belladiabla13
05-24-09, 3:59 pm
I walk into the gym. First ones in the door this morning. My hair is pulled back. No makeup. My shorts falling off because they are 3 sizes too big. I look like another person could fit into my t-shirt with me, but I dont give a damn. I ain't here to look cute, I am here to bust my ass.
We trained shoulders today. One of my weakest body parts for many years now. Tore a rotater cuff in 1999 then had it re injured in 2003. Every time I press with it, I know I am taking a chance.
Today my shoulders feel strong. I am lifting for strength 5x5. I can barely get the weight up on my own the first set so Chuck gives me a lift. The second set, the same. Third set, I find that place deep inside. I go back to the day in 2003 when it was injured..... I was picking my kids up from their visit with my ex husband. He was pissed that day, as usual, because he could no longer control my life. He and I had words, next thing I know.. he punched me in the back of my shoulder right in front of my kids. 6 feet tall and 240lbs and felt the need to punch me when I wasn't looking. I felt the familiar pain. Instantly I knew, it was out. Took my air.
He spent 48 hours in County, and here I am 6 years later still trying to heal. Today that pain and feeling of helplessness was my friend. Today it made me strong. Today it put up my 3rd,4th and 5th sets. I wish that motherfucker would try hitting me like that again. I think he would be surprised at what happened next.
Finish lifting, then its 30 minutes on the Eliptical. About 15 minutes into it my feet are numb from standing in the same spot and my body wants to stop. But, I press forward. I know when its starts to burn, its making the changes I want and need in my life.
A couple of lil pretty boys walk in. They stare at the big girl on the Elipitcal. I see them glare. They have a couple hundred dollars of clothes on backs. Expensive shoes. They probably spent 45 minutes getting ready for the gym. I laugh when 10 minutes after they start lifting, they are walking their sorry asses back out the door to get some water and talk. Guess they didn't want to get sweat on their pretty clothes.
Moral of my story? Sweat ain't fucking pretty.... Change is not easy. If you want to be strong, you have to work for it. I am working for it every fuckin day. Its the most honest thing I know next to loving my family and that is fucking beautiful!
"Pain is not my enemy. Its my call to greatness" ~Henry Rollins~
www.myspace.com/luckybella13
Bella's Journey- http://forum.animalpak.com/showthrea...751#post680751
We trained shoulders today. One of my weakest body parts for many years now. Tore a rotater cuff in 1999 then had it re injured in 2003. Every time I press with it, I know I am taking a chance.
Today my shoulders feel strong. I am lifting for strength 5x5. I can barely get the weight up on my own the first set so Chuck gives me a lift. The second set, the same. Third set, I find that place deep inside. I go back to the day in 2003 when it was injured..... I was picking my kids up from their visit with my ex husband. He was pissed that day, as usual, because he could no longer control my life. He and I had words, next thing I know.. he punched me in the back of my shoulder right in front of my kids. 6 feet tall and 240lbs and felt the need to punch me when I wasn't looking. I felt the familiar pain. Instantly I knew, it was out. Took my air.
He spent 48 hours in County, and here I am 6 years later still trying to heal. Today that pain and feeling of helplessness was my friend. Today it made me strong. Today it put up my 3rd,4th and 5th sets. I wish that motherfucker would try hitting me like that again. I think he would be surprised at what happened next.
Finish lifting, then its 30 minutes on the Eliptical. About 15 minutes into it my feet are numb from standing in the same spot and my body wants to stop. But, I press forward. I know when its starts to burn, its making the changes I want and need in my life.
A couple of lil pretty boys walk in. They stare at the big girl on the Elipitcal. I see them glare. They have a couple hundred dollars of clothes on backs. Expensive shoes. They probably spent 45 minutes getting ready for the gym. I laugh when 10 minutes after they start lifting, they are walking their sorry asses back out the door to get some water and talk. Guess they didn't want to get sweat on their pretty clothes.
Moral of my story? Sweat ain't fucking pretty.... Change is not easy. If you want to be strong, you have to work for it. I am working for it every fuckin day. Its the most honest thing I know next to loving my family and that is fucking beautiful!
"Pain is not my enemy. Its my call to greatness" ~Henry Rollins~
www.myspace.com/luckybella13
Bella's Journey- http://forum.animalpak.com/showthrea...751#post680751