a horseman's path to becoming a monster

[BEASTOFRAGE]

i've decided to put all of my thoughts into one thread...so some of these you may have read already...
TB

fire(awakening)

**this was dedicated to one of my bros...giving him a reminder that monsters never die! this also served to resurrect my fire once more...***

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it happens...

the dying of the light...

the dwindling of the candle...

what was once lit is about to burn

out...

it happens with a blink of an eye...

without knowing...we forget

we forget what made us...

what it took

what its going to take..

we forget...

the voices...the business...the unseen...

the animal...monster...freak...beast...within...

lies dormant...

what was reborn lies asleep...

none of us wants to admit it but it happens...

and it happens so fast that your knee deep in sleep...

so what do you do right?

what will awaken you?

i will tell you what it did to me...

what will always wake you up?

your worst nightmare...

becoming weak...normal...average...

allowing those voices to be right...

that your weak...pathetic...and can be forgotten

and can be tamed...

fuck that...

i never want to be normal...

when fuckin plates hit the floor, you will know

its me...that destroyed another PR

the fact that those voices underestimate the might of my rage...

and how it can move fuckin mountains and

make the earth tremble

there is only one mission and one mission only...

and i see only that...everything else is BLACK!

what was never good enough for normals....

will be good enough to never be forgotten...

fuck being a hero...

they talk...admire them...praise them...

but the monsters will always be feared above the rest..

and never fuckin forgotten...

my hate toward what fuckin normal is renewed...

average should be stamped out of existence

evolution is taking place and

the weak shall perish

they wanted to tame me...no longer...

they fear what i will become...

they believe i will become what they fear...

they are right...

taming me was a big fuckin mistake...

underestimating will make me their worst fuckin nightmare...

i'm awake motherfuckers...

no more nightmares...

from now on..i will be the one being in the nightmares...

i will be that beast that lies in the closet...with the glowing red eyes...

the unseen...awaken by the smell of fear...from the average joe...

awaiting my moment to devour their soul to be stronger...

LIGHTS OUT!!

i will no longer be contained in the shadows...

cause i'm not nor will ever be satisfied...

i will become that monster everyone don't see...yet...

the one that will be feared and admired...by his strength

domination will be the way of life

i throw away the sheep clothing for i no longer

have to pretend to be normal...i'm not..

i'm wolf...the one who's hungry for sheep

i will allow the demons and the voices to light the fire

and to awaken the monster within me

there won't be no cage to contain me...

no limit that i won't surpass..

no won will stop me...

like the juggernant that i am...i destroy everything that

stands before me...

leaving devastation in my path...

there is NO fight to be had...

devastation only...

leaving their skulls and bones as trophies on my fuckin wall...

and yes...there will be blood...on my hands...

the blood of the average...

that i will proudly fuckin wear...

many will try to stop me and they will be broken before such is possible

they will have to bleed first before i break a fuckin sweat...

i don't care no longer about being human...

they can show me their pathetic strength...their talent...

what makes them fuckin average...

and what i will show them will scare the living hell out of them...

pure motherfuckin nightmare!

i will challenge the unchallengeable

break the unbreakable...

because even they must evolve or die...

cause they can't stop me

some doubt that i will NOT become a monster...

that's fine...i will feed from that fire and turn it

into hatred...

and soon...i will be appearing in their nightmares...

and we will see who ISN'T a monster...

the voices will fuel my rage...

i will handle my fuckin business and will never let it handle me...

and the unseen won't be revealed until it too late to fuckin stop me...

like a runaway train that's comin too fast to stop...

i will play by my rules...play my game...

emotions? my vision is black and emotions are for the weak...only rage exists...

i'm programmed for one mission and one mission only...to DOMINATE ALL!!

the other was born...now its time to become THE OTHER...

one that is not human...

one that is not bound by the chains of normality

one that is fueled by rage and hatred...

fuck normal!

fuck those who think they are untouchable...i will change their thinking...

i'm watching them...but they have no idea what i'm doing...

i'm watching their strengths and weaknesses...fueling my fire...

fueling my hunger...

they will know who i am...the monster they fuckin didn't see comin...

the one they thought they put asleep...

but is now awake...

and is awake to wreak havoc and cause terror...

devouring the souls of the weak...

cause i smell their fear once more...

and it makes me stronger..

toying them until i'm ready to crush their skulls

with the strength that is the descendant of hercules...

beware...my darkside is creating what you fear...

this is what happens when a monster is tried to put to rest...

wrath is on its mind...

destruction is what i will cause...

devastation will be what i leave...

i won't demand respect...i will take it!

WHAT'S NEXT?

their numbers...they are in my path of destruction...

devastating what many said i couldn't do...

taking their doubts and shoving it up their ass...

tame me? ha...what a fuckin joke!

put me in my place? not fuckin happening

i smell their fear...thru their doubts...i know their fuckin game...

their time is about to be up...and their nightmare are about to begin...

hell will be a daytime nap compared to what happens next?

what will you do against the dying of your own light?

will you let it burn out or will you do what i've done...

make your choice...

me...i'm goin to get ready to rain blood and make the earth tremble...

a monster is fuckin comin...and it ain't 2012...

i'm awake...

TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

what is it?

what defines a man that sheds the chains of normals?

what is a monster?

its something that you never see emerging

until its too late...

it will make you tremble or it will make you evolve...

every monster is different...

never the same...

it changes what people are used to...

and take it to the next level...

some may call them...genetic freak...mutant...something not of this world...

but its only evolution...

another monster in the making...

normal people will piss in their pants...

they think they see an outcast...

but only their nightmare becoming real life...

cause its someone they never seen before...

a monster will hunger for a challenge...

always gettin stronger...

signs of weakness are only signs of its hidden strength...

within...

its purpose becomes the very fuckin fiber of its being...VICTORY is the goal...

DOMINATION...is the mission..

it constantly breaks the chains of man...

for its only weak links...

its mindset that of a primal nature...far beyond what's called

an alpha male...it will devour him

its strength comes from hercules...

it strikes fear in the weak...

it devours their souls...

it bears the marks of hell...

its eyes glow fiery red...

its a juggernant that can't be stopped...

once it embraces the other...

the other that isn't human...that isn't man...

to become what it is...

it only gets stronger...

its at times walks alone...

or walks with the pack...

its form is never the same...

when it emerges...

everything will change...

it will make the earth tremble...

and it will make hell rain ice...

it will crush everything and everyone in its path...

it will dominate all...

and take the skulls of warriors who aren't worthy

of its strength...

it will become a walking nightmare...

its roar will cause blackouts...

its strength will devastate egos...

cause everyone remembers the

monsters...when they close their

eyes...

it will strike fear, piss you off, or motivate ya...either way...

nuthin cannot be done...its a mountain you cannot fuckin move...

a juggernaut that can't be stopped...no matter

what you see...

it will remain...it will stand...and it will be your nightmare...

if you step into its jungle..with fear...or with over-confidence..

its stalks the dark..its jungle...

it smells fear...

it moves in the shadows with super speed...

embracing your nightmare...

it grabs the weak fuck out of nowhere...with the strength...

that would rival hercules...

and laughs...and laughs...and laughs....

the weak fuck chokes...but the monster hasn't

done anything yet...

it struggles...the monster gets stronger...

and laughs more...

it laughs because the weak fucks thinks it can get

away...as it tries to pry away...to no avail...

its dinner time...

and the monster is hungry..

and commences to squeeze...

the weak fuck becomes limp...yet the monster squeezes on...

if your over-confident...the monster will face you...

no pain will effect it...for it will only laugh...

the puny little man's weakness is amusement...

but its hunger grows...

its overwhelming strength grabs the puny mans throat and squeezes....

then "snap"..

its broken its victim...

and finished its challenge...

breaks off its head and what does he see?

the head of the monster in its nightmare...

but who is this monster that defeated it?

look in the mirror...

a monster is born a man...and is reborn and evolves

beyond its nightmare...to one day...takin its head...

but it doesn't stop there...

its wants more...

its wants a challenge...

beware of this...

your either a nightmare or gettin the nightmare...

evolution continues...

never ends...

you either at the top of the food chain...

or at the bottom...

a monster will never be eaten...

cause it will always evolve...

what you see now is only its awakening..

what it evolves into will be unseen...

its strength unbound..

will be beyond imagination...

its journey thru hell will forge him a monster...

with the determination of a juggernaut...

and the strength to move mountains...

and the power to rain blood from the skies...

they are never forgotten...

underestimated at times will be a mistake...

and at a moments notice...will claim its victory...

undeniable...

its wrath will be swift and devastating...

for DOMINATION is the grander scale...

numbers are only the path...

records are made to be broken

and egos need to be broken...

haters fear what i will become...

doubters don't want me to become what i believe...

but its envitable...this is who i will be...

what will you become?

do you believe?

time to do work...my grocery list is short...

souls and egos await....

thousands of plates are waitin to be destroyed...

its time to feed the monster...

and to hell with anyone in my path...

TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

anyone can talk a good game...but can you back it up? ever wonder why those who talk lose? why sin tzu mention that every battle is won before it begins? we talk, we expose ourselves to thy enemy...or we can use their weapon against them...

haters...doubters...let them do the talkin for you. their words are meaningless but give false hope to your competition. let the plates talk louder than words..it always talk big...and backs it up. no one cannot doubt the iron. you see someone benching 800lbs, its undeniable unless your torn from reality and can't face the shit. reality is a bitch. it can motivate you and piss you off or you can hate it. whatever the case...keep your ass on the grind and never look up...only hear their voices...let it piss you off..don't talk back. take it our on the iron every day...let the plates pile up...become somethin...

reality is a bitch...but you already know that...you have bigger fish to fry and as the plates pile up, more haters and doubters voices you will hear. you know the end result...the outcome...play your game...
TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

while i see everyday people in the gym talkin...having a good time...socializing...its pathetic. while its a place to learn how to become a warrior...a champion...its becoming a place socialites...sad....

then they come up to me and ask dumb questions like...

"how did you get so big?"
"how did you get so strong?"

these questions should have obvious fuckin answers. so i make them short and sweet like...

"i eat, sleep, and train...period"

anyone that is there in the gym to play fuckin games won't get it. that's fine by me. anyone that is serious wouldn't ask those questions. i'm there to do work. everyday history starts over as a man without numbers and that shit can't stand. i don't like to tell people what i bench, its irrevelant. why? cause its in the past. i train now for bigger number. its no different than a sales job, you had a good day yesterday but what about tommorrow. your goin to do better? fuck yea...and put in the effort to do so. the gym is just another fuckin job...full-time job. when i'm there, i'm there to train. anyone that is serious will understand this. i'm training to get and be stronger...period!

i have accomplishments..yes..but that's not what motivates me. what motivates me is seeing the top 10 in my weight class. fuck that...the top 5. i'm not there, so what i've done means nuthin. that's my fire. everyday is geared towards that mission. i'm always askin myself everyday...WHAT'S NEXT? past numbers won't judge me...hence i'm a man without numbers...

but you can't know this unless you look into my eyes...its fire in them. i come close to vomiting for a good reason. its neccessary. i don't do this lightly...i missed day, missed rep, missed exercise just makes the journey harder and the road longer. my fault..no one elses. its how i choose to live my life...life as a man becomin a monster...life of a powerlifter...

i live like a monk, i eat, sleep, and train. i put up with my bullshit job just so i can train and do what i'm fuckin made to. i had this one kid ask me could i bench 780? i told him why? when i'm goin to bench 800. he kept askin the same dumb question over and over...that's the shit i'm talkin about...playing games. get the fuck out of my way...i'm workin.

this shit isn't a game...its my life!
TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

its simple...when its game time...its fuckin game time. that means you've done all you can do to prepare...meaning..no excuses. in powerlifting, its either you fuckin ready to do it, or you ready to watch someone else do the shit for you and when your forced to watch, its even more painful cause your gettin your ass handed to you and you can't do a thing about it. there is no pride in 2nd fuckin place...2nd sucks! just like in "over the top"...

i've had meets where i bombed out. that shit gets put out there for everyone to see. a 0 total mean bombout. then you see someone hit 2600 in your weight class mean you just got fuckin owned. i couldn't stand it at my last meet...so much rage in me i could really hulk out. i wanted to leave there and head to tuscaloosa and train that day! i didn't want to wait but experience told me i have to. in this case, i "thought" i was ready...and my teammate felt the same...cause we weren't...mentally or physically. we were left watchin someone else do weight we wanted to do...that shit pisses me off to no end and it motivated me to not let it happen again...

i did learn a lot from a bombout but nonetheless, the rage i felt was unbearable. its no less different than havin your ass handed to you by a guy who benches 200lbs more than you to get first. what does that say? was i ready? no. i didn't prepare enough in that case and was fuckin strong enough. i wasn't ready enough...simple.

lesson here...don't say.."i think i'm ready"...leave no doubt in the gym. you miss a training just keep in mind that someone out there didn't and they will be ready for you to do two things...bombout or watch them own you by several hundred pounds. powerlifting holds no complaceny. one of my teammates years ago had a debate about shirts with another guy. he's not one for debates but makes one good point and goes about his business. he told the guy this statement:

"that fine...just do it raw or get a loose single ply shirt and just sit back and let me wax your ass on the platform and take the trophy."

nuff said. people want to make excuses about rules, why their lift shouldn't of passed and why their should. i'm not different but in lookin back i really wasn't fuckin ready! be fuckin ready. either you know more or don't, either you go single or double, either you go raw or geared, either make your choice and get ready! train your ass off...powerlifting isn't for fuckin kiddies. its a competitive sport not just heavy fuckin lifting. its where you come into a meet ready or not and if your not you will get your ass waxed...period. there isn't goin to be your mommy there to tell ya that your 1st place in her eyes or your friends who tell ya that your still the shit at your gym...fuck all that! your know and see the standards...train for that. if you want to be a gymrat then don't get on the platform and let someone else who want to get on the platform do some real weightlifting and be ready for it. when its game time, your fuckin ready! if there is a doubt in your mind come meet day, then its over. confidence is everything and if you don't have confidence it will hurt cause someone will show up that will be ready and have the confidence to take home the trophy and maybe even fuck your prom date while your at it...me, i will be fuckin ready and doin everything possible and IMpossible to do it and so are my teammate at BMBB.

in conclusion, whether its powerlifting or bodybuilding, BE READY! don't slack up! put it in your mind that someone will be there...and you will face them and they will be ready too. be ready for war or be ready to be killed...it all comes down to this...

shut up and do something or let someone else do it!
TB

[KiNgKoNgPrOnGeD]

lovin this thread Beast! I'll definately be following your threads bro. a seasoned powerlifter...im sure to pick up a few things!

[BEASTOFRAGE]

"perception is reality"...i've heard this time and time again...in and out of my gym. and its true...but the part that is bullshit is that its enforced by "other people" or the voices of petty human, bitches, haters, etc...they fuckin create that perception and develops into reality that changes your reality as an animal...

fuck that! YOU control that perception...so change it! you control what their reality is cause in the end, we are the dominate species...not them! i'm not saying listen to the haters, use it as fuel to change that fuckin perception. nuthin feels better than makin a jackass out of all of them without so much as a word from you. real men of strength show their strength thru their actions not words. do that. allow them to think one way about you. you work on what's real, changing that fuckin perception cause you cannot deny what reality is. it is what is is. i heard another quote from a movie:

"perception is reality. i chose to create mine and others chose to accept it"

is this true. yes. you have to chose to create that perception. the other part is not true. actions can speak so loud that others CANNOT deny it. others WILL accept it. if they don't, they can't deal with reality. PERIOD! so take this one in stride. be wary of what you say to the next person...cause you never know when they plan on changing your fuckin perception and making reality undeniable. cause in this game whether its bodybuilding, powerlifting, strongman, MMA, etc...you don't earn respect these days...you fuckin take it!

perception is reality. i chose to create mine and others will accept it!
TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

Bump!
Tb

[BEASTOFRAGE]

"the one or the other"

....there was a comic done on this about 2 years ago. spiderman was bein hunted down by a vampire that was stronger and ruthless than him. he had help last time facin this guy but this time around he was solo. this guy smelled his fear of him and toyed with him until the time came to kill spiderman and when the time came, boy did spidey get his ass handed to him and then some. but something happened, he released his totemic powers of the spider and was able to overcome his foe but at the cost of his life. he was reborn only after embracing "the other" as apart of him now. prior to this, to be reborn, the hunted ate his prey to evolve to become a man...but was it one or the other...spidey chose to embrace who he really was...who he was becoming...

last year, that comic was an inspiration for me. to me the iron does just that to you. you get to a point where you have to make a choice like spidey did..."one or the other". everyone has potential but how far are they willing to take it? and are they willing to see it thru? are they willing to take on the burden, the pain, the frustration of becoming the other? i made this choice last year without a question in my mind or heart. i didn't want anyone else around me that hadn't done the same otherwise they might as well be human cause what we do ISN'T human! we've embrace THE ANIMAL within...whatever we see ourselves as cause we are never satisfied.

the iron remakes you...recreates you into something...physically. that's the part everyone in the world doesn't mind having. to take it to the next level, you have to evolve mentally. take on the burdens that most people would run from. the challenges that make you stronger than yesterday. when i walk thru a gym, i see those who rather remain normal and be "posers". but every now and again, i see that one person who has become the other..they stick out to me without a doubt.

whats happened to me now is that i get hungrier than the day before. there is always an appetite for bein stronger and becomin a monster...its my motivation. everything else in my life is for that primary goal. its focus. that's what happens when your faced with the choice of becoming one or the other. i chose the other...bein normal to me isn't enough. gauging my standards according to those normal standards sucks ass...i want to surpass them. when i train, i sweat and sometimes damn near come close to puking. my body becomes numb at times and i fuckin love it!! i blackout and then laugh about it because i've become partly sadistic. i've blown blood vessels in my eyes, caused nose bleeds, etc...just one more drop of blood my opponents on the platform won't see. its like what my brother, chad aichs told me..."you have to bleed first before you can beat me!". my partners understand this they too made this choice...

what can you take from this? don't be a puss! look into the mirror...are you becoming something? Josh White has made this choice. when i first met him, i saw a monster..but he didn't. i told him that heroes are remembered but monsters are never forgotten. he accepted "the other"...and now is becomin a monster. no question.

again..look into the mirror...and ask yourself what do you see? do you see normal? or do you see a future manifestation of yourself? you will have to make the same choice if you plan on playing this game. when you get under the bar and take a weight most fear to take on or when your under the weather and its training day, or when your at a meet and your head to head with a monster, or your out of the game and all you think about is rage and iron. what will you do? you have to choose...for me...when i get under some weight i've never gotten under before, i'm either scared or excited. and i'm always excited. how bad to do you want it? what are you willing to sacriface in the mission to DOMINATE and become that freak, beast, animal or monster you see? these are questions you have to ask yourself and questions i have to ask myself from time to time. so ask yourself...

one or the other?
TB

[weedlewott]

Down. Keep 'em comin.

[BEASTOFRAGE]

this is a post i made in reference about my partner who until last sunday decided to unlock the cage...LOL!!
TB


for weeks now...
it has been a solo path...the brute has been getting stronger...but not being challenged like before. he has pushed the beast to levels that not even the beast didn't think he would go. but alas, the beast was nuthin more but a wounded animal that seemed to be getting worse by the week. his strength seemed to be dropping...could be possible?!? the beast who has gone thru hell and back would befallen mentally by the iron. this would make the brute suffer...as the monster couldn't awake without the beast pushing him foward nor show the true potential of his new weapon and become the monster of monsters...but suddenly....

something happened...a new weapon has come before him that reawakened the beast once more. once more, the beast was hungry and wasn't letting anything before him stop him and challenged the brute once more. but the brute realized that he was training with another monster. nuthin seemed impossible or heavy anymore to the beast. it was as if his strength was returning...he was ready to walk the path once more...and the brute had been waiting long enough. 695...785...875...875...his destructive power and speed was unleashed once more like a phoenix rising from the ashes...this only pushed the brute further though he was not able to do what the beast did...it only revealed that he too had an even greater destructive force lying in wait. this was only the beginning of the beast's true power. as 875 fell twice against his might, the earth quaked and blackouts occurred. this can be only done by a monster. the further excited the brute knowing that this entire time a monster was starting to awake. he arose from the bench with his might roar of dominance. this only fired up the brute further. his speed was undeniable. the brute was able to move this weight with his might but no touch unlike the beast. but it was proven here...the beast awoke the brute...at last.

the beast is back...and now the brute can finally unleash his hidden power. the brute was blindsided by this awake of speed and strength. but not the next time...the brute will continue to lead and will see if the beast can follow...but the brute knows that the beast will come...the beast will be ready now. the brute isn't the only one who gets stronger thru pain...there isn't one monster at bama barbell now...there seems to be another...atlanta has no idea what's comin...

the beast is back...a monster born..
TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

everyday, we all deal with it. sometimes it mostly with those who fuck around and want to be something and nuthin else. we deal with this all the time at BMBB. as with most barbell clubs, you have dead weight that just are there when they want to and never there when they are needed. and maybe its our fault for not relaying the understanding of what a barbell club supposed to do. but fuck it. we don't have time to hold hands. we have fuckin work to do. so we just drop the weight and move on til we get someone who is worth a damn.

its sad that today even normal people are consider dead weight because they are worthless. they don't depend on themselves at all but depend on others more than anyone and they blame their circumstances as supposed to taking responsiblity for themselves. in the case of BMBB, we get guys who get mindfucked so much they don't want to come back. thats fine. that means they can't handle the pressure it takes to be the best and to dominate. they are content on being satisfied with what they did yesterday. that shit isn't goin to fly. you'll be stepped on like a bug in a minute by your competition who is going to be the best. you also can't deal with those who want to just take up space and don't want to be apart of something. that's also dead weight. i try my best every day to help anyone and everyone who is wanting to be more than just fuckin average. i'm all for that. i'm not goin to waist time on those who are just "content"...

we all deal with "dead weight" in one way or another. what do you do right? if they aren't helping you, if they are "hating" on you more than supporting, if they are there on days because other days they don't feel confident enough, fuckin lose them! they aren't worth your time and knowledge. you have to be a train. keep rollin fuckin thru! you don't have time to stop and hold hands. we don't at BMBB! we expect those who do come to ride on the fuckin train. if they miss a PR, analyze why they did and move on. if they can't mentally deal with failure, they drop them. they will only hurt you in the long run. like i said, keep the train rollin. see the quote below in my sig by jim hoskinson. that man is a train! he has been thru hell and back and nuthin hasn't stopped him yet. its impressive to see him lift and the guys he trains with. no man is an island and no man can become a champion by himself. it takes the strength of others as well as himself to do so and then in turn others around him will become champions as well thru pure motivation. with dead weight involved, that shit isn't goin to happen! i've mention that i surround myself with freaks and monsters, people who live live like i do cause they understand me and i understand them and everyday i'm motivated by texts from other lifters on what they do in the gym and they are motivated by what i do and its a endless cycle of motivation that continues. that's how you can separate the dead weight.

10 times out of 10, this will show you the difference between a good friend and a brother. a friend will show up and will expect you to take it easy. a friend will only be there when you meet failure. a friend will understand your path but won't walk it with you. a brother will train with you and live and breathe the same path as you. a brother will be there when you meet both failure and success and expect more from you. a brother is there thru thick and thin and is fuckin far from being dead weight.

"keep your friends close and your brothers even closer, no dead weight allowed!"
TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

i'm a big dbz fan so let me reference a character from the show...vegeta...with whom i can understand and relate too. when he first met goku, he thought he was a nobody. he was superior than him but was beaten by him in battle. it didn't really bother him until he became a super-saiyan before he did. this is the part i can relate too...he couldn't fuckin get it why he couldn't become one when he was born/trained to be one all his life and goku, his rival, could. it was enough to drive him harder and harder everyday but it also drove him to be quite pissed off all the time cause he believed as i do that weakness and failure are unacceptable even as a prince. his pride was undeniable. he eventually became a super-saiyan later when it was his time to be. but keep in mind of the storm that was tormenting him for up to about 5 years or so....

sorry for that reference for those who don't understand japanese anime....but...

that is what i'm up against right now. against myself. nuthin could disgust me more than what i did today which was another bombout. there was no excuse for it. i fuckin suck and need to train harder. all this bullshit i've been doin...don't mean nuthin right now. all the pain and suffering i've been thru...don't mean shit...cause i know i have more of it to come. this was merely the storm that has been raging within me for months now...no...correction...5 months now. a storm i must endure for another 7 more weeks. but today as a man...i admit...i was broken...a year ago now i thought i endured this pain...i was wrong...

my confidence has been shook to its foundation like never before. its hard to grasp and handle it. a friend told me tonite that this should of shook me...cause if it didn't, it meant something was really wrong. i guess i should feel better.

the rage comes from the fact that my strength is there. it always have been. just having to get things put together correctly.

now...what will i do about it. i will return to the depths of the basement that a monster comes from and confine myself there. that is where i must regain my composure, confidence, and will once more. i won't sit here and tell you words of motivation to help me cause today was motivation enough. this won't stop me. i think that's obvious. a fire has been lit like never before. hell...my own sanity is at stake here. i'm going to get fuckin busy living or i might as well hang myself right now cause i refuse to accept failure...let alone weakness and both will removed like a cancer. why not "calm before the storm"? cause i've been raging thru this storm for 5 months...thundering, lighting, and rain all the time...it won't stop. now...you might as well add hurricane like conditions...like the title of this post reads...

"the storm before the calm"
TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

bump!
TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

if anything, learn from what i lost and now remember....

things are happening...things have happened. i realized that i'm not at the level i need to be evolve to the next level. i've felt like this before. its has happened and somehow i managed to come out of nowhere and become what i didn't think was possible...mentally or physically. i realized that this entire time that everything i have done was merely off brute strength...its who i am...mental strength hasn't been a problem but i used it just when i needed the most and i would pull something out of my ass that not even i saw comin.

my brother, bambam, remembers the texts we sent to one another. i wanted to be stronger than what i am...not the need. that was my problem. the process of becomin a monster take more than just physical strength. i realize that. bambam told me these words...

"go back to where you first became a monster....the first time you felt like one"

i knew what he meant...and at this point i know what i have to do. that feeling that he was referring was my days at ngbb. goin back there would be the first step but remembering what it was like there...where i was. it was exactly where i'm at now. i was backed into a corner in my lifting. nowhere else to go but to become stronger. i had a 589 bench. someone told me that i was capable of 700. less than 60 days later, 705 was a reality. i remember now. the want to be stronger existed then. its back now. my confidence exploded. i've gained my confidence back once again but i'm having to return to the depths where the monster was created....within the shadows. i've known derek poundstone for years and followed his training. he too was back into a corner with no choice to become. look at him now...

the "want"...not the "need". it was back then i realized that there were hidden depths to my own strength and mentally i became stronger. its still there now. i've held too much weight in my hands and done too much to realize i wasn't who i thought i was...or becoming. day by day as i continue to walk the path of redemption...i'm remember the failures. but it hasn't broken me. it did weaken me but no longer. my heart has beaten over 10 years as a powerlifter just to turn up and die. i realize that i'm at my strongest mentally and physically when i'm backed into a corner...where i'm forced to be stronger. where i'm forced to make changes i necessary to become a monster. and i will. the "want" and not the "need". that is difference between me before and me now. weakness is unacceptable to me in and out of the gym. failure isn't an option. i will not rise but destroy the walls that are encompassing me trying to suffocate me by my rage. i know what i must do to be stronger. my road...my path to redemption isn't complete. i realized that i have come to far...sacrifaced too much, cried too many tears, and tortured myself too much to stop. i am my own prison in my mind once more...

the mental strength is there...or i would of quit before now. the strength to take the load and continue to walk the path no matter what is who i am. my pain...my rage...my dedication...my desire...my determination...my will. it makes me a stubborn fuck but oh well. the iron can do to me what it will....as i will do the same. it won't stop me.

some say the will to protect others develops the "killer instinct" to protect no matter what. to take down that threat without thinkin about it. the will to be stronger is the same. to be strong no matter what and no matter the cost. i have been to logical and it had dulled my blade. i sharpen it now cause a sharp blade will slice thru anything. its the will that makes it a weapon. i will no longer be logical. i will no longer think. if i want to be stronger, i will do what i must without hesitation. this is what i lost. this is what i experienced at ngbb. this is what i remember once more. i cannot break out of this prison unless i bend the fuckin bars myself and smash the walls. there is no key for me. thru blood, sweat, and tears...no words are neccessary...my violent actions will express my intentions....

I WILL BE STRONGER,
TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

bump
TB

[Big Wides]

Lots of soild and deep words Curt and they are all true. We all have felt that way before and have overcome it all to be what we are today. Its true what you say and it echos a lot....keep the fire going big guy, it inspires many

[BEASTOFRAGE]

Lots of soild and deep words Curt and they are all true. We all have felt that way before and have overcome it all to be what we are today. Its true what you say and it echos a lot....keep the fire going big guy, it inspires many

thanx brother. if my words inspire many than i will keep the flames of hell in my eyes..
TB

[PhillyBMM]

Absolutely loved it. Reminded me of a quote i saw once. "Trample the weak, hurdle the dead"

[BEASTOFRAGE]

i realize after talkin with an old friend the other nite, that numbers hold too much power over me. everything in this world revolves around numbers...too many of them.

i walk into the gym now with another feelin in my mind...in my heart. focused on what needs to be done. to be a monster. my mind doesn't care about numbers anymore. only the assault awaits. my assault. what is it? it was once said that every battle is won before its started. i will take this approach since every battle i walked into was decided before i even set foot upon the platform where only the strong survived. guess what, i was the weak. and such as the case, when you weak, you don't control shit. the doubts...the haters...you don't have control over. they seek your failure and found it...and found it they did in me. but no more.

my rage has been under the control of numbers for far too long. i now walk with no numbers in mind. i'm keepin my fuckin mouth shut and busting my ass. a friend of mine told me this the other nite. he had walked the same path as i am now and he's prepared for battle. does he know the result? only he and he alone knows the answer to that question. i'm droppin the fuckin ego at the door and marchin on. preparing myself for the hell i will unleash...the assault.

i know where i need to be. no numbers are neccessary. to be amongst the elite. i saw the numbers today in plusa. there is no need for me to be under the control of numbers no longer. i was told that there were "hidden depths" to my strength and now its time to unleash them and unbound them from the numbers. i'm more than strong enough. numbers aren't neccessary. planning an assault involves gettin stronger and fine tuning technique to eliminate what's ahead. i'm done beatin myself down. i know where my errors lie. the past is the fuckin past. the focus and rage now is on what i plan to do. whatever pain awaits know that i will give it hell every step of the fuckin way. violent intentions folks. there it will describe how my rage and my strength is.

my resolve won't be shaken again. i shake now with pure rage in my heart wantin to take a bite out of any fuckin challenge that stands in my path. no matter the number of walls there is between me and the top...i will run them the fuck over like a juggernant. its a full-scale assault that they won't see comin. no matter the numbers. i am worthy. week by week i don't need to show this. its in my actions. words only visualize my actions. the time has come to prove it. i cast myself from society...out of the eyes of the public view to the depth of the basement. surrounding myself only with those who know the path i walk...planning my full-scale assault. i'm in the shadows.

my full-scale assault will be like the lights goin out and someone stalking in the dark. its a nightmare. they lurk around. analyzing weaknesses and how to attack. smelling blood. gettin hungry. they won't see it comin. everyone feels comfortable in the light. but there is always a shadow...and a monster waitin to emerge from it. bound by no numbers, they attack...attack...attack...and attack. they won't stop til nuthin is left to attack. and then they go lookin for more. until now, i've just been hiding. no longer. my rage will not allow me to be caged any longer. successful battles are won by preparation. the platform is war. a plan of assault is neccessary. takin skulls as trophies are mere trinkets. crushin them means dominance. its why i do this sport in the first fuckin place. no one wants to be in the pack but ahead of it. everyone wants to be the alpha male.

when i think i'm done. i will do more. numbers don't matter to me anymore. only the amount of pain i'm willin to endure. i will ask myself..."got more, you weak fuck?" cause as history has told, the more pain i experience, the stronger i become. i'm more lethal than the hulk. i'm not fired up just by rage. experiencing pain makes my rage stronger. makes me stronger. perception is reality. i create my own, others are forced to fuckin deal with it. not accept it. for this is what i am. my destiny awaits. i've walked this path for 16 years...why? cause i love it. i've been wounded physically and mentally. it only makes me stronger.

i plan on bein something more than a name on a board or on a list. blood will be spilled. cries of agony and pain will be made. chains made by numbers won't hold me. i break them. fuck body counts. powdered skull is what will remain. i will continue to be stronger until i'm the strongest and with the standards of strength going up, it will be an endless war i'm willing to fight. i'm surrounded by those with the killer instinct to be stronger. that look of hell in my eyes you see. its fuckin there. it always was. my plan of assault is simple. i stalk the shadows. you won't see it comin. you can walk to any corner or any spot. i'm right there breathin on your fuckin neck waitin to snap it in two. why? you are prey. stronger than you know and straight out of your motherfuckin nightmare. there is no new weapon. only the fuckin resolve to make me a nightmare.....a monster...

...pull up the blankets...squeeze your pillow tightly...make sure your nite light is on and battery don't die...close your doors...hide under your bed...and cry...cause i'm fuckin comin.

this is not vengeance. this is redemption. this is my plan of assault.
TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

bump!
TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

its simple. think about it. how is it that the strongest are what they are? just because they bust their ass in the gym i suppose. no its more than that. i realize that now. what separates a 320lb man from the average joe. what most people see as foolish or stupid, to us is just a challenge. "killer instinct". ive spoken about this before. it takes more than just rage. i'm surrounded by those daily who have the "killer instinct" with violent intentions in both their voice and their actions against the iron. if you don't possess those, you can't be stronger. its that simple. i've havin to learn this for the first time in years. its made a difference in my lifting. think about it. when your in the gym what do you think about? now what do you see in the gym? probably a bunch of people who just want to be average. who are "ok" with what they are. killer instinct=focus; violent intentions=drive...therefore...killer instinct plus violent intentions equals the unshaken resolve to be strongest. this is what bama barbell is about.

let me explain more. before i went to the gym yesterday, 500 for reps was on my mind. that was it. raw bench. i walked into the gym just focused on that and not saying a word to anyone. warmed up to 455 for 1 raw. it was easy. i loaded up 500 on the bar. it was time. the equation was at work. i got under the bar and took it out. repped it out for 3 reps. when i looked at it on vid, it was speed and control...the factors for violent intentions. everyone had said it looked like a warmup. it was because of resolve to be and get stronger. there is no thinking about it. just doin it because you want to be stronger. police officers and firefighters do it to stay alive, people who have families and friends do it to protect their own; fighters do it to win the fight and we do it to be stronger cause weakness isn't an option. do it as if there is no tommorrow.

i think the same goes with life. you have to go after things in the same mindset. you have to be the toughest, strongest around cause in life there is no 2nd place. own first place. dominate them all and let god sort'em out. there is no 2nd place and no tommorrow. and if you fall, get up and try again. keep fighting. a dangerous man is the one who is still willing to fight with no quit. i have to get it in my head once more than no matter what nothing is goin to break me. to stand in my path is to be standin on the tracks when a train comes through. then you become apart of the equation. in powerlifting, when you stand on the platform with others in your class, there are out for one thing...#1. do you need a reason? fuck no! it should be instinct. everyone wants to measure ones strength against another and prevail. strength is one thing. having the mentality i'm talking about is something else. its what separates the underdog from the champion. when the underdog is hungry and has that "killer instinct" in his eyes, unless the champ has it, he will win. will you do everything to do that? if you reading this, then lifting is more than just a way to release stress. its a way of life. who we are. getting stronger and doing what most can't is who we are. there is no other path...the only way to go foward.

i will take my strength and put it up against the best to be stronger. i will train myself to have that mentality day in and day out. i'm surrounded by people who have this already. i want to learn from them. lift with them. cause right now i'm the underdog...who knows the equation for strength...."killer instinct plus violent intentions equals the unshaken resolve to be the strongest"

do you possess the equation?
TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

Bump!!
Tb

[BEASTOFRAGE]

every man is confined to their prison. they just don't fuckin know it yet. they are confined there by words. we all go about thinkin and knowin that words don't effect us but they do. our training, our lives effect it. its our own rage that emprisons us. why? because our actions will show who we really are and until then, words become a prison.

i am a prisoner...doubts...insults...all of which are merely words only act as fuel for our rage. we say nothing in return. our words won't change shit. their words will only piss us off further. we use it as rage. do we have something to prove? damn right we do. we try to say to ourselves we don't but we do. its ourselves. we know those words have meaning until they are proven wrong. do we wait? fuck no. everyday we think about those words. it pisses is us off. it drives us.

i am a prisoner...what do you do? nothing. there isn't anything you can do but allow your words to echo thru your violent intentions. there is no choice about it. the voices everyday become your prison. what do prisoners do? there honed killer instinct plus focus is all driven towards trying to survive. this situation is no different. in a world where being on top with the biggest total or the best body matters most. when that plays a part doubts of others onto you become your prison. trapped by words that don't effect you but makes you more than what they are. their words...the voices, taunt you everyday. your senses become torture for you as see, smell, taste, feel, and think them. you want to deny it? i won't. no any longer. i know they are there. acknowledge it. it fuckin exists

i am in a prison...becoming stronger is the only thing that keeps your sanity. weakness is like a virus you can't have. the voices drive you to do violent things against the iron. let it. for it gives you a moment outside of your prison. the voices try to break you. let it. it will piss you off. mentally it will drive you to be stronger. the voices will try to speak the truth but can't show it. you can. in time and bit by fuckin bit the real truth will be revealed. this is only part of the pain and suffering that is endured in your prison.

i am in a prison...my anger...my rage is more than i can bear but i must. the pain i endure day by day makes me want to quit but i don't. weakness is an option and i chose to be strong. the suffering i entail is like torture. knowing i have to wait but day by day i have a chance to change that. my rage makes my hand quake. holdin my self back is like trying too hard to fuckin crush ants. but i must cause the voices that confine me to my prison will expect it. they are the ones hold pitchforks and torches...what is my crime....

i am in a prison...my crime is doin what most don't think i can't. what they don't believe to be possible. they believe what i'm unable to do. what my weaknesses are. they laugh. they ridicule. they pity. they doubt me. they condemn me to my prison. why? for time comes for every man to be release from their prison and to show the measure of hell they can unleash. unfortunately when speakin of time, every man must wait for theirs. they won't escape. they won't give in. when the time comes, violent intentions will be all of what they fuckin remember.

i am in a prison...i endure the most pain and suffering more than what some may call champions. why? cause i'm not. that is my crime. trying to become something that many don't believe is possible and doing it anyways. why? i believe therefore i will become. they plead me insanity. they don't take my mission seriously. i give a fuck. they believe it to be impossible. i believe i no fuckin limits. they exist. just not to me. they say i'm not strong enough. they have no fuckin idea. they say i'm driven by my own pride. they are right. they say i'm guilty. they are right. i am. guilty as fuckin charged. and for this, they condemn me to my prison...my personal hell. everyday, my killer instincts causes me to shake the bars out of the foundation in pure rage. i bend them. i warp them. waiting to unleash and demostrate my purest version of my strength laced with violent intentions.

everyday i struggle...i endure pain and suffering...i bleed..i sacriface...i drop tears...for every ounce of sweat i leave is weakness leaving my body. for that unsurmountable pain i feel is one that is felt once. my eyes when i entered were of someone with shakable resolve. my eye burn a hell red. my killer instinct will guide my violent intentions to become the undeniable. to take back what was once earned to me. their voices and my desire created this prison...this hell. wrought with blood, rust and iron burning. burning as hot as my desire and focus but not prove them wrong. but to prove myself i'm right. they inprison what they cannot understand or cannot conquer. when the time comes, i will break loose the chains of my prison and unleash hell unfathomable. only then will the truth be revealed. only then will my strength be shown...not fuckin measured. my personal gift to them...my version of hell that i created. i am a prisoner...

only to be placed back in that prison once more. why? its what will make me the strongest. we make our own prisons everytime. its up to us to break out of them every time when a stronger set of chains are placed on them and us. chains bind mortal men. i am not. i refuse to be conquered. i refuse to be weak. therefore i will always have my own prison that i will always breakout of. and my own version of hell to unleash...

i am a prisoner..are you?
TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

i was wrong before...there is no "storm before the calm"...they

i understand what the hulk went thru when he finally realized how the world viewed him. what people who called themselves friends did to him by deceiving him and sending him to another planet with intentions of ending his life. but they made two mistakes....they didn't think he would find a way home...and he did. and even bigger mistake. he came home..pissed off and twice as strong as before. he had a year of rage to lash out to cause a war...him against those who tricked and the fuckin world...is it revenge or retribution? after what i experienced this year...i know how he feels. funny what rage does to a man when he finally become focused on one goal...

is this what you expect? seems the whole world feels the same...

we see it everyday. people giving opportunities like steak on a platter ahead of others who work harder for it. people taking shit for granted like kindness and thoughtfulness from others. people who think they have the goddamn right to impose their will and authority on others because they are on top..they can look down. people who because they don't like somebody..fucks with their life. people who pose as friends and are gone like the wind when times get rough, use you as a scapegoat and/or can rub their accomplishments in your face. people who judge and fear what they don't understand....

you know these people. you and i know them well. they are the reason why they try to condemn me to my cement prison....where i sit full of rage...where i have sat this entire cursed year...

no more. i'm tired. but tired enough to quit. just tired of enough of the walls before me keepin me from what i want to do. this is no different from i was dealin with growing up..

i was a fat kid that was always left out of things because i was a nobody. i was a virtual door mat to everyone. i was laughed at..ridiculed at...someone who you could to make fun of. the end of many jokes. i was walked all over and didn't stand up for myself. even my parent didn't have much faith in me...i was the middle child that was always forgotten. i was quiet but couldn't stand what was happenin...even worse...i was allowing it and it had built up a good deal of rage in me....most of which was against myself...and nowhere to release it or put its wrath upon. it came out one day as 2 people were picking on me. i had hit the wall. i had enough. i lashed out at them and beat them up. didn't realize then what i had done. how much rage was inside of me. how much of it was uncontrolled. i barely remember the incident when it occured.

i wasn't like most children. i stayed inside a lot cause the ridicule and tormenting. i found an old exercise machine that my parents never used. i saw bodybuilding tv shows on espn a few times and thought...i wanted to be like them. so i worked out on it everyday just about during the summer. my parents saw a change in me. everyone did. i started buying magazines like ironman and flex a lot. i didn't mind staying inside so long as i was left alone to workout. then for christmas one year, my parents bought me my first weight set. before this i had no idea what i looked like...i just lifted to get bigger. even after people started treating me differently, i didn't care anymore. i wanted to be not just big and strong but the biggest and the strongest. i learned a lot from the iron. always look at the bigger picture. the shit i went thru was a wall i had to smash the shit out of and i did. but i wanted something greater than that now and i knew there would be more walls in my way that i would have to smash down. i learned true strength comes from those who truly know what it means inside and out. to be able to stand against anything and let nuthin stop you or hold you back. to me...the iron is the same a reality itself...and because of the iron i was strong enough to believe in myself and smash thru doubts, fears, and misunderstandings of others...

i find myself back at the same point...enclosed by walls.

now, i've had enough. no more. fuck, i will play the cards i've been dealt....and if it takes me one hand or several...know i will find a way beat the dealer. i will use the weapons that i have (shitty as they maybe) and become a fuckin wreckin machine comin to turn those peoples fuckin dreams in to nightmares....starring me...i won't be human. i will still be something they can't understand...but now they fear. collateral damage? so what. i'll let god sort it out. i won't go fuckin quiet. FUCK THEM ALL!! i will step on all skulls...none are worth savin. i've smashed thru countless walls before me and now i'm goin to smash thru this one cause rise to chaos....virtual monsters ripped from their worse fuckin nightmares..

i was wrong to let them have power over me and that won't happen again. they fear what i will become and it will happen. they hoped i would stay within the walls where they hoped i would silent. no fuckin more. i won't ask why or let them explain themselves. they had their time for that. its past due. time claim what's mine. i won't say what i will do. i've already done that. waiting for my time to come won't happen and to take what's mine has fuckin arrived. i won't hold my rage back anymore or anything else for that matter. those people can do two things...stand aside or stand in my way. and i surely do hope they stand in my way i'm a different kind of wreckin machine...not a wreckin ball...it will be rage. pure unfuckincontrollable rage...those people will have to seek heaven for mercy...cause i won't.

if you learn anything from this....learn this...there are walls for a reason. they were meant to be knocked down! don't fuckin conform to what the "people" are doing or goin to do to you. some people choose to succumb to them and become content. others see what the truth is. potential. when those up top see that potential they want to seal it away. they trap us in walls because we are CHAOS incarnate! we fuckin upset the balance...the order of their world. make a plan...an assault..to upset that balance/order and give hell. be more than a wreckin ball. don't ask for respect...take it. you do crazy shit for a reason. they fear what we will become. they fear what we will cause. armed with our killer instincts and violent intentions to be the strongest...they can't stop you. the only they they hope to do is to struggle against us or watch...time to wreck the fuckin order..disrupt the ranks...tear down doubts..and strike fear...to become what they fear we would become....MONSTERS!

i will keep in mind what MACHINE mentioned...arm your violent intentions with these words..."Be guided by your own vision and make them sick with your appearance , its only because it reminds them of what they are not."

have a happy new year...
TB

[BEASTOFRAGE]

Bump!
Tb