View Full Version : quick question

09-20-09, 8:41 pm
how is machine doing? i know he suffered from the heart problem and was told he couldnt lift but is anyways. does he have a name on here?

09-20-09, 8:54 pm
read and be inspired.....

From Out of Many…
by Machine

Continued from "Waiting For The Fear" in "Life Is A Freakshow" April 3

I’m lying in my hospital bed, waiting for the next gaggle of doctors to come into my room, stand there with that stupid look on their faces, tell me that I am a research anomaly, and further indicate that they cannot help my situation so I can throw their useless asses out of my room, only to wait for the next bright-eyed group of them to waltz in. Then, something occurred to me. The doctors aren’t refraining from telling me exactly what happened, or when it happened because they don’t want to, but simply because they don’t have the first fucking clue of what attacked my heart, exactly when it began and what my future holds.

You see, the doctors at this nationally renowned heart facility had never before seen this type of cardiac anomaly presented in a person who looks like me. Imagine it. There I am, a 295 lb. massively muscled individual in the prime of my athletic life. It took eight of them to move me, and yet I am in the throes of one of the most serious heart conditions known to man. It is the strangest situation I have ever been involved in, except for maybe that one time with the three stripers who were roommates, and the midget that came out of nowhere dressed in head to toe leather… Nah, this was even weirder than that.

Anyway, the best way that I can explain my health problem is as follows: I suffered a viral attack on my heart. The virus was so virulent that it actually killed part of my heart. I tried to tough it out for too long before getting treatment, which resulted in a damaged heart muscle and me being dead for several undetermined periods of time. By the end of my first conscious day (which I am eternally thankful for), I was knocking out sets of 30 pushups at a time (much to the dismay of the nurses on the ward).

At this point, it became clear that I was not the typical patient. I am only 33 years old, I stand 6’1” tall and I am a very large mammal. They soon stopped commenting on my physical activities, the entourage of people coming and going from my room and the meals that my people were delivering to me. Regardless of all of this, my attitude of manic enthusiasm must have been the most difficult thing for them to handle. I just simply refused to lay there in bed acting like a sick person who is waiting to die.

The doctors told me that I wouldn’t be able to train anymore… You should have heard the way it just rolled off their tongues. Like it was no big deal. Well, it is a big deal. It’s like someone saying, “Life as you have always known it is now over, but anyway...” Doctors can sometimes be the most obtuse assholes in the world. Therefore, I had already dismissed them all out of hand, and I will continue to dismiss anyone who does not pay me the respect that I have earned in this hard world. I am already back in the saddle. I am down to 270 lb. and looking better every day.

I come from humble beginnings. In many ways, I was expected to produce only pain and misery in my time on earth. The people around me took every opportunity available to point out that I would either end up in prison or the graveyard. I think I have proven them all wrong with grand measure, and I continue to thrive against all odds and against whatever strife I meet along the way. I shall endeavor to meet that strife with a smile, and a quiet confidence that says that I have a divine right to exist. I have a mission to accomplish, and I have not yet met my stated goals, not by a long shot. I am bruised but not broken, and I will rise again.

So, out of the group of the many people who are just like me, those who were meant to fail, comes one. I have some fresh scars to keep me company on my walk to the Promised Land. I thank God for every breath I draw, and for the people who stood by me through the good and bad times. To all my friends and family, and especially Universal Nutrition, thank you so much more than words can say. From out of many comes one… I’m still coming.

The Next Chapter
by Machine

Now I have confronted the demon that is my mortal body, plagued with the same inherent flaws that have been the ruination of many men before me. Therefore it is only fitting, considering the manner in which I have chosen to live my life thus far, that I stomp even harder down the same untamed path on which I started out so long ago. The doctors, and there have been many, have all told me that I am “tolerating” extremely well, given the circumstances.

I find that statement to be incredibly ironic, mostly because the concept of toleration (the level of physical pain and discomfort often associated with physical growth) has been at the foundation of my thoughts on physical development since day one. I often tell people my thoughts on bodybuilding, and they are sometimes put off by my response. However, my statements stand. Now, more than ever, I believe that the level of physical tolerance one can endure during physical training is inextricably linked to the level of total physical growth that individual will achieve. Simply put, if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

The doctors have all been amazed by my ability to “tolerate” the pain, discomfort, strain, stress, exhaustion and side effects of the medicines I now consume daily. They are further amazed that I did not wholly accept their assertion that I need to vacate my former life and livelihood. I have assured them all that I will do no such thing. In fact, I am already back, training in earnest for my next “big show.” This show will be a little different from any show in which I have previously competed. This time, I am competing not only to continue living but to continue doing so in the manner in which I have chosen.

I have no intention of abandoning my lifestyle or my livelihood because the going gets a little tough. Besides, this is another perfect opportunity to rise to a greater ambition, an opportunity to inspire people to live life on terms that they alone can dictate. Many people seem to often philosophize on how difficult a bodybuilder’s life can be, riddled with strife, and financial and emotional hardships, much like that of a twelfth century monk.

However, nobody put a gun to any man’s head and made that man undertake the rigors of physical development. Furthermore, no man should ask for, nor should he expect a pat on the back for doing just that. The real truth of the matter is that a bodybuilder’s life is a great one. His daily life is filled with incredible peaks and valleys, challenges and disappointments, triumphs and defeats… It is truly a full life.

I must now undertake the rigors of physical development with this limitation hanging over me. It’s a limitation placed on me by others, and one that I neither recognize nor accept. Then again, what’s new about that? Maybe you can draw a parallel in your life and time. Maybe you are living with limitations that were placed on you without your acquiescence, without your permission and without even recognizing that they exist.

Limitations placed on a man’s mental, emotional, physical and spiritual threshold without his knowledge or consent are limitations that only exist in the minds of individuals who seek to rise by way of your descent. If you fall, they will rise. However, you can only fall by admitting, recognizing, acquiescing, realizing and accepting the limitations that have been placed on you by another individual or group of individuals. If you do not consent to being grouped, labeled, handicapped or categorized, you will give no man permission to do so for you.

If, by way of my misfortune, others can see that their lot is not as hard as they once thought, I will gladly accept this tiny burden with great pride. I have always believed with all my heart that God has a grand plan for each of us, and I have always known that I would be tested. When I was a boy, my mother once told me, “God knows how much a man can carry. He gives a different stone to each man and he will give a great stone to you because he knows that you can carry it.”

I have lived with those words echoing in my mind for many years. I thought I knew what she meant, but now I really understand exactly what she was talking about. I have carried many different stones over the course of my life, but this one will be the greatest stone I have ever had to shoulder. Please come along with me… Together we may find out exactly what we are made of. I would rather die trying to move a great stone than expire as it rolls right over me.

Finding My Way
by Machine

I have told you my tale of woe, but what about the next scene? How will the movie end? What happens to me now? I deliberated on these questions for days, and the answer has finally become quite clear to me. For a long time now, I have been able to aide people in their mission of personal growth. It occurred to me that now I might be able to use myself as a guinea pig for my own nutritional and training counsel, so to speak.

Instead of me helping someone over cyber waves, I will detail the reconstruction of my own physical person on the FORVM. Now I can be considered in the same way as any one of you out there on the discussion boards, in the gyms and in the rot gut, shithole, dirt on the floor weight rooms of this country. I will update my journey on the Animalpak.com Forum, posting pictures as I go and detail my trials and tribulations in an attempt to showcase a good example of how to function under strain.

Beginning body weight: 268 pounds. I’ve never really been into measuring percentage of body fat, but if I had to guess, I would put myself at around 20 percent. One could say that this is a bleak starting point compared with my usual statistics, but not completely dismal. Anyone who has been significantly injured or has spent any real time in the hospital knows that the body you leave with will be much different than the body in which you arrived. Laying prone and mostly motionless in a bed for an extended period of time will play havoc on your muscular conditioning, as well as your body’s ability to move water and fat.

I recently picked up my first weights in an attempt to knock off the dust and see how my new situation would play out physically. Needless to say, I am not nearly 100% from a strength and endurance standpoint, but I hope to make relatively quick gains in both areas, as I always have in the past (I was born with the curse of eternal optimism).
I do feel that familiar ache in the pit of my stomach, that ache that usually accompanies bouncing back from a surgery or a serious injury. However, I must recognize that this is not a routine situation. The sticking point here is that I have always been so completely tough on myself, even while facing a daunting injury. I try to greet each new day with a sense of perspective coupled with fierce determination.
My foundation of physical strength is there, as it has always been, but there is instability in the joints throughout the range of motion, which I find disturbing. In my first leg training session I was able to squat 315 lb. for 12 repetitions. It’s funny, if I had a dollar for every time I had that poundage on my back, I would be a very wealthy man right now. But here I am, back at ground zero, chasing the numbers all over again. I choose to be enthused and excited, rather than discouraged and frustrated because it is a miracle that I am able to do anything at all. Every doctor who reads my chart can’t believe that I am up and walking around. You should see their faces when I tell them that I am already back in the gym. A top cardiac facility in the U.S. will be using my statistical data for a research study because of the fact that my situation is so unlike anything the specialists are used to seeing.
I have allowed myself some latitude in regards to short term and long term goal setting, but I do think that I would be better served in the long term by getting harder as soon as possible. It doesn’t seem sensible or sane to add body mass during my present state of physical conditioning. I would rather right the ship before I plot a new course and set sail for the high seas. It won’t take me long to assess my deficiencies and correct them. My diet is cleaner than normal in order to facilitate a speedy return to optimal physical conditioning.

Now that I have outlined my concerns and goals for my upcoming training cycle, I would be remiss if I failed to mention the effect this particular situation has had on other parts of my life. I am a father, I work with young people full-time and I volunteer all over New York State in various correctional facilities. All my life I have been a man who cleans up after other people. Whether it was protecting others from attacks on their physical person, arresting people who violated the laws of my state or keeping people incarcerated for varying durations of time, I always met people at horribly trying points in their lives, and it was my job to help keep them down.

I am resolved to spend the second half of my life reaching out to help young people before they are at the lowest possible point in their lives. I swear on all that I love, the only thing even remotely resembling fear which I have ever felt was that moment in which I was lying there on the table, dying. At that time, I said to God, “I haven’t given back nearly enough. I have failed so many young people, seen so many slip through cracks in the system. I need a few more years. I have told you everything there is to know about me, which is more than I have ever done before. There are more battles to fight, there are more people being held down that need to be set free. I want to help them by setting a proper example. I want to prove my worth by helping my brothers and sisters. I will not fail."

09-20-09, 9:30 pm
wow! i am very inspired! i had no idea what had happened to machine. i look forward to reading his updates on this, and wish him well on the journey too.