gutter
06-28-10, 11:22 am
It's always as i remembered,being the runt,being pushed,bullied and mocked. I still remember that fateful day,walking back home,i was cornered by a few big bullies and the fist flew,blood spurted,a simple case of bullying the weak,i came home with a bloody lip.
"You got into a fight?" my parents asked. "No i fell down." i lied.
"No need to lie" they said.
"I was beaten up" i said my head stooped low,ashamed at what had happened.
"You didn't fight back?" my father asked,he was shocked.
"No,i was outnumbered four to one,they were bigger sized" i answered.Why didn't you fight back, I said cause they were bigger and stronger.
"Son,size doesn't matter,its the size of your heart that matters" he said.
I think i will tell you,what every dad should tell their son,so he gave me the talk on,how to never take shit from anyone,push back harder when you're pushed,pick yourself up when you fall down.
"I want revenge dad,i want revenge" I said,my eyes raging with pure vengeance,tears welled up. My lips hurt as i formed each words to talk..It was swollen.
My father's reply was,"You're physically WEAK,why don't you train,they can easily "eat" you like this,you're not strong enough son. You need to train".
From that day on,my parents knew their son as the coward. The coward and weakling.
My mom especially,always said i was weak.
When i hadn't the strength to carry the furniture when we moved house,i was againh mocked for being weak.
Mocked,how I was mocked by my own parents,WEAK! YOU'RE WEAK!!
Those words would forever be ingrained in my head,like an epitome of my shameful past. It still reverbrates through this very day.
I was raised up in a family which sees weakness as it is. Being a man means you had to be an Alpha male,be the dominant of the pack.
Crying means weakness,when pushed you push back,you take shit from no one...such was my upbringing.
Mocked how friends mocked me too,saying i was weak,they were there when it happened but they too didn't do anything,because they feared,they feared the sheer size of those guys compared to their skinny frames.
Reality hit me like a hard left hook,i had to start training.
I was only 15.
Then there came the ex-girlfriend who said to me,hey you look like a stick, a bamboo stick,you look like a freakin stick,put on some meat. She laughed at me and mocked me for my skinny frame.
I started lifting weights but i was still mocked for my slow progress,mocked again and again,these words reveberbrate like jones and mason in my brain. "WHY YOU WANNA LIFT WEIGHTS?
YOU WANNA GET BIG SO YOU CAN TAKE REVENGE? YOU'RE STILL SKINNY,LAUGHTER reverbrating in the background,sardonic laughter". In college i was out down,as i lifted weights in the gym. The few haters passing by would say,"are you for real?".
These were the NEGATIVE catalysmic events
that triggered my survival mechanism,i shall become bigger and stronger to avoid these mockery and to prevent myself from ever being picked on again,from being called WEAK.
Every rep,the memories of what happen burns!
This is my redemption,I'm on a journey of sweat,blood and tears.
"You got into a fight?" my parents asked. "No i fell down." i lied.
"No need to lie" they said.
"I was beaten up" i said my head stooped low,ashamed at what had happened.
"You didn't fight back?" my father asked,he was shocked.
"No,i was outnumbered four to one,they were bigger sized" i answered.Why didn't you fight back, I said cause they were bigger and stronger.
"Son,size doesn't matter,its the size of your heart that matters" he said.
I think i will tell you,what every dad should tell their son,so he gave me the talk on,how to never take shit from anyone,push back harder when you're pushed,pick yourself up when you fall down.
"I want revenge dad,i want revenge" I said,my eyes raging with pure vengeance,tears welled up. My lips hurt as i formed each words to talk..It was swollen.
My father's reply was,"You're physically WEAK,why don't you train,they can easily "eat" you like this,you're not strong enough son. You need to train".
From that day on,my parents knew their son as the coward. The coward and weakling.
My mom especially,always said i was weak.
When i hadn't the strength to carry the furniture when we moved house,i was againh mocked for being weak.
Mocked,how I was mocked by my own parents,WEAK! YOU'RE WEAK!!
Those words would forever be ingrained in my head,like an epitome of my shameful past. It still reverbrates through this very day.
I was raised up in a family which sees weakness as it is. Being a man means you had to be an Alpha male,be the dominant of the pack.
Crying means weakness,when pushed you push back,you take shit from no one...such was my upbringing.
Mocked how friends mocked me too,saying i was weak,they were there when it happened but they too didn't do anything,because they feared,they feared the sheer size of those guys compared to their skinny frames.
Reality hit me like a hard left hook,i had to start training.
I was only 15.
Then there came the ex-girlfriend who said to me,hey you look like a stick, a bamboo stick,you look like a freakin stick,put on some meat. She laughed at me and mocked me for my skinny frame.
I started lifting weights but i was still mocked for my slow progress,mocked again and again,these words reveberbrate like jones and mason in my brain. "WHY YOU WANNA LIFT WEIGHTS?
YOU WANNA GET BIG SO YOU CAN TAKE REVENGE? YOU'RE STILL SKINNY,LAUGHTER reverbrating in the background,sardonic laughter". In college i was out down,as i lifted weights in the gym. The few haters passing by would say,"are you for real?".
These were the NEGATIVE catalysmic events
that triggered my survival mechanism,i shall become bigger and stronger to avoid these mockery and to prevent myself from ever being picked on again,from being called WEAK.
Every rep,the memories of what happen burns!
This is my redemption,I'm on a journey of sweat,blood and tears.