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View Full Version : Twas The Night Before Christmas (Gym Style)



_Trainlikeafreak
12-19-10, 1:17 am
Twas the night before christmas when all through the gym, not a bodybuilder were stirring not even Jim Quinn. The stockings were hung by the dumbbells with care in hopes that Steve Blechman soon would be there. The dieters were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of carbohydrates danced in their heads. Momma in her kerchief and I in my skullcap had just settled down for a long winters cat nap. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the windows I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw open the sash. The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow gave the luster of mid-day to objects below. When what to my wondering eyes was my fate but a miniature sleigh with 8 heavy weights. With an over-carbed driver so tiny and limp, I knew in a moment it must be that wimp. More rapid then eagles his courses they came and he whistled and shouted and called them by name. Now Dorian now Haney now Arnold and Cutler, on Coleman on Wheeler on Dexter and Winklaar. To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall, now flex away, flex away, flex away all. As dry leaves that before the wild hurricanes fly when they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky. So up to the housetop the courses they flew, with a sleigh full of weights and Steve Blechman too. And then in a stomping I heard on the roof the prancing and pawing of each monstrous hoof. As I drove in my head and was turning around, down the chimney Steve Blechman came with a bound. He was dressed in leotard from head to his foot and his clothes were all tarnished with protein and smut. A bundle of weights he had flung on his back and he looked like a trainer just opening his pack. His eyes how the twinkled, I'm embarrassed to say, his cheeks were like roses he looked, kinda gay. His drool smirky smile was drawn up like a bow and the hair on his head was as dyed as white as the snow. The stump of a sweat potato he held tight in his teeth, the gas from a fart encircled his head like a wreath. He had a narrow face and a nonexistent belly that looked absolutely nothing like a bowl full of jelly. He was puny and ripped a right skinny old elf and I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head soon gave me to know I had a lot to dread. He spoke not a word but went straight to his work and filled all the stockings and then started to jerk. And showing a thumb and a rather odd pose and giving a nod up the chimney he rose. He sprang to his sleigh to his team rang a horn and away they all lunged like Coleman at dawn. But I heard him exclaim ere' he drove out of sight, "I'm Jewish so thats all I can say, goodnight."

- From Dave Palumbo

**If this offends anyone I'm sorry, I thought it was rather hilarious.

IronWilson
12-20-10, 4:39 pm
Oh man....Palumbo really hates Blechman...lol. Do I smell a libel suit? Funny nonetheless...

BarbellManiac
12-20-10, 6:56 pm
He's a good writer though, he does hate blechman judging by this "poem"

Fricano
12-22-10, 6:53 pm
he didn't write it he got it in a email from some one.