View Full Version : Rebuilding: An attempt for a new balance
zanderfever
04-24-12, 2:20 pm
I wish I could say "it's good to be back." The fact that I cant kind of shows the predicament I am in. So, for those who don't know me, let me introduce myself to you so you might understand.
Hi, i'm zander. I'm an oldie here as i'm sure my last login date would tell you. I haven't posted in a long time. A very long time. I dropped off the face of earth because I felt like I no longer had earned the ability to post on the forum with credit. I went from setting 4 IPA World Records at the age of 17 to both shoulders undergoing surgery. Now, i'm facing both of my hips being operated on with the first being done on May 21st, 27 days from the moment I type this out. I haven't even committed to posting this yet, it's only a thought so who knows, this may never reach your eyes.
So, why am I coming back? I think it's because i'm weak. I know this. I haven't posted in my last journey since 02/18/10. Around that last post, my hip gave out for the first time. That was 2 months after my first shoulder surgery and my mindset was very, very different. I had nothing but lifting. I had invested everything in lifting. It brought me happiness, pride, strength, and it was what I lived for. A surgery with a recovery period of 6-9 months for "full" recovery (Lies, by the way. My shoulders will never be fully functional, they'll forever be a weak 92%) is pretty much guaranteed to take any sane man out of the gym for a while. However, I was in the gym less than a week after surgery just biking because that was all I could do. I can stomach surgery, that's fine I have a whole different half of the body to work on. But then I had the first "twinge" in my hip. Then came the uncomfortability, then came pain and that annoying lingering feeling that something wasn't functioning as it should. That was a breaking point for me.
I quietly left the main room of the gym and went to the backroom. I just sat on a swiss ball. Needless to say, I shut down and was miserable for the next year. Oh, things happened. But I didn't really care. I didn't have emotion anymore. I couldn't “really” lift and so the closest thing I had to happiness was me being a nerd by myself mostly. Playing Starcraft. Rekindling old, dusty, and creaky hobbies. I never stopped lifting though. Even with the injuries.
That was highschool. I've grown and have had 2 years in college, i'm about to finish my sophomore year. I've learned a ton and lately, i've been thinking about a few things, the chief one is where the title of this journey comes from. It comes from other people. So, this is the real predicament. I have people on the forvm that were hugely important to me. They impacted me in many positive ways and were people I could and would talk to whenever possible. People like Hoomgar, Excessive Endorphins, Toni, Firedrake, and others. But its the memories that really mattered. The PRs... Training with Vinny, Freak, and so many others. Vinny even called me out at the Arnold expo in 2009. I was outside of the cage watching when he saw me, yelled at me to get into the cage and compete in the bench your body weight competition. How can I return when I have fallen so far from there? With Freak, I was made to feel foolish. He made me a powerlifter who couldn’t squat. I trained legs with him and a few others and after doing centuries on the Leg Press I couldn walk or think because I was such a perfectionist with lifting that I wouldn't touch my legs with my hands because that was “cheating” and not real lifting. I can’t believe how much value I put in being hardcore. Its foolish. Hardcore is far from smart at times. The truly sad thing, is that I was told this long before any of the above happened.
BigAnt. I have no idea if you remember me or a certain conversation we had, but it's stuck with me. It was at an ABC in New York City. I met you, Joey D, and a few others there for the first time and you talked to me about balance. Finding balance between everything. Back then, I was focused so intently on lifting and everything that was "I" focused. But over the last few years, my mind has always returned to that concept of balance and how it encompasses everything. You can't balance things just for yourself. Nutrition, sleep, training, and rest are important to balance, but thats easy. Thats simple. Balancing school, thinking about the future, significant people, time, AND THEN getting in your "I" balances, that's difficult.
So, here, in this journey, you will find the thoughts, beliefs, and truly light weight being lifted by a grizzled, wise, and time tested young 20 year old fool. I've already lived a full lifting life in terms of what amounts to a career, world class weights, friends, experiences, acquaintances, training partners. I now seek not to set world records. I seek to teach, listen, learn, talk, and most importantly to not skew my balance like I did before.
So please, if you choose to follow me on this new journey, I ask you not to expect heavy weight. I ask you not to expect 10 mile runs. I ask you not to disregard me as young. I ask for you to heed words of one who has learned the hard way. I ask for you to recognize that I am not the best powerlifter or the biggest bodybuilder. I am simply someone who has fallen. I've fallen and I have been struggling to stand up for years now and am only recently learning not to stand up too quickly. If you wouldn't mind, I ask you for some help and for some old friends to forgive my long absence and allow me to offer help of my own.
I wish I could tell you what to expect, but I don’t know. I only know that if I run away, i’ll at least say that I will return upon feeling worthy of your presence.
Thank you.
zanderfever
04-24-12, 2:55 pm
My god I used to post a lot... I havent been on the forum for over 2 years and I still have an average o 2.27 posts per day...
There is so much to catch up on
Zander, It is really great to see you back on here. I still remember meeting you, what 4-5 years ago? You were going thru your bodybuilding phase, and were hitting up some painful lat pulldowns with the assistance of Derik I believe. I went to take a piss not too much later and you were in there struttin your stuff hitting poses in the mirror. I was astonished by how far you had come in just 16 years, and at that moment you triggered something in me to get my ass to work. I couldnt let a 16 year old be bigger then me! Anyway, since that day we have become good friends, even with not having talked to each other in a while. I feel for you, and the trial & tribulations you have been faced with in such a short amount of time. I look forward to you posting here again and will be following closely..
zanderfever
04-25-12, 11:40 am
Woke up and did some empty stomach cardio and some legs
30 minutes biking (Reading one of the Warhammer books, cool series)
3 tri sets of -
Leg Extensions
Lying Leg Curls
Some glute machine, basically a single legged leg press
Then another 10 minutes of cardio before I was kicked out of the gym for a class. Kind of sucks to be one of 4 people in the gym to get kicked out for a college class of maybe 10 people, but oh well. I still did stuff so its all good.
Zander, It is really great to see you back on here. I still remember meeting you, what 4-5 years ago? You were going thru your bodybuilding phase, and were hitting up some painful lat pulldowns with the assistance of Derik I believe. I went to take a piss not too much later and you were in there struttin your stuff hitting poses in the mirror. I was astonished by how far you had come in just 16 years, and at that moment you triggered something in me to get my ass to work. I couldnt let a 16 year old be bigger then me! Anyway, since that day we have become good friends, even with not having talked to each other in a while. I feel for you, and the trial & tribulations you have been faced with in such a short amount of time. I look forward to you posting here again and will be following closely..
Thanks, excesive. Yeah, it was a long time ago. Scary thought right? At least you've gotten farther than me now. I'm still peeved at the fact that I never really overtook you :/ Ahhh well. You're a good person so its ok :P
Zander...I do rememebr you very well, I got Evan to come over to our table in NY to hang with us so you can talk to him...How are you? Balance...I still struggle with it! BUT I DO THE BEST I CAN DO...EVERY DAY...I work full time as a Correction Officer and also have a part-time job, some weeks working over 75 hours! Also I am back in school at night College-Nursing school and I have a little boy- 3 years old, I love him more than life, and I am divorced. I am VERY very very busy! But I do strive for balance-balance in life.
I wish you the best with your rehab. PM me and we can talk on the phone, I will give you my cell number, would love to catch up...how is your dad?
C.Coronato
04-25-12, 3:06 pm
Welcome back my man. We all have our ups and downs, but its here where you can find that balance. Glad to have you back and I look forward to your journey. Where are you at for school?
zanderfever
04-27-12, 3:19 pm
Zander...I do rememebr you very well, I got Evan to come over to our table in NY to hang with us so you can talk to him...How are you? Balance...I still struggle with it! BUT I DO THE BEST I CAN DO...EVERY DAY...I work full time as a Correction Officer and also have a part-time job, some weeks working over 75 hours! Also I am back in school at night College-Nursing school and I have a little boy- 3 years old, I love him more than life, and I am divorced. I am VERY very very busy! But I do strive for balance-balance in life.
I wish you the best with your rehab. PM me and we can talk on the phone, I will give you my cell number, would love to catch up...how is your dad?
Thank you so much, Ant. This means a ton to me and I will send you a PM right now.
Welcome back my man. We all have our ups and downs, but its here where you can find that balance. Glad to have you back and I look forward to your journey. Where are you at for school?
TreeTrunk, you've changed your name too?! Damn, haha. I'm happy to see you here, so thank you.
I go to school at SUNY Fredonia, its all the way upstate in western NY basically next to Canada.
zanderfever
04-27-12, 3:26 pm
Thank you so much, Ant. This means a ton to me and I will send you a PM right now.
Seems your PM box is full. I saved what I wrote and will re-send it soon.
Stay strong z. You have some obstacles ahead but stay focused and you'll get past 'em. In for your journey brother.
korn_fed
04-27-12, 4:39 pm
Damn man, thats a lot of surgerys to swallow. I can't say I know how you feel, but I went through an ACL/miniscus surgery myself, losing thirty pounds and being secluded to my couch for a month. Its the worst feeling in the world... you feel usless, like your existance means nothing. But, as Eric Thomas said, at the end of pain comes success. My sweetest success thus far was when I came back from losing all that weight, and progressed into an even better devloped physique than what I had had before the surgery. I'm definately subbed in for this journey, and by the way, I live about 20 minutes from the Powerhouse Gym in Syosset, so if you ever need a training partner to spark a fire up under your ass, hit me up.
zanderfever
04-30-12, 9:47 am
25 minutes biking
Some warm up for rotator cuff
DB Bench
20's x 25
25's x 25
30's x 15
30's x 15
Cable Crossovers - Only front 3/4 ROM
20 x 15
20 x 20
20 x 25
20 x 30
Lateral Raises Supersetted with Front Raises
3 x 10 SS 3 x10
5 x 10 SS 5 x 10
5 x 10 SS 5 x 10
5 x 10 SS 5 x 10
Rotator Cuff work
Simple, solid day. Weak as shit. Oh well.
Damn man, thats a lot of surgerys to swallow. I can't say I know how you feel, but I went through an ACL/miniscus surgery myself, losing thirty pounds and being secluded to my couch for a month. Its the worst feeling in the world... you feel usless, like your existance means nothing. But, as Eric Thomas said, at the end of pain comes success. My sweetest success thus far was when I came back from losing all that weight, and progressed into an even better devloped physique than what I had had before the surgery. I'm definately subbed in for this journey, and by the way, I live about 20 minutes from the Powerhouse Gym in Syosset, so if you ever need a training partner to spark a fire up under your ass, hit me up.
Sorry to hear about your injury as well. Surgery does suck. I hope to be where you are some day, i've had that hope for a couple years now and its still there. I've actually never been to Bev Francis' gym though i've always wanted to. To be 100% honest with you, I dont think i'll be making the trip. I have to have the surgeries this summer and then its back to Fredonia, NY for school. I would like to train with you, but it wont be for a long time. Thank you for coming by though, its much appreciated and I hope you stick around.
Stay strong z. You have some obstacles ahead but stay focused and you'll get past 'em. In for your journey brother.
Thanks, J-Dawg. I havent given up. Yet, haha.
korn_fed
05-01-12, 1:26 pm
25 minutes biking
Some warm up for rotator cuff
DB Bench
20's x 25
25's x 25
30's x 15
30's x 15
Cable Crossovers - Only front 3/4 ROM
20 x 15
20 x 20
20 x 25
20 x 30
Lateral Raises Supersetted with Front Raises
3 x 10 SS 3 x10
5 x 10 SS 5 x 10
5 x 10 SS 5 x 10
5 x 10 SS 5 x 10
Rotator Cuff work
Simple, solid day. Weak as shit. Oh well.
Sorry to hear about your injury as well. Surgery does suck. I hope to be where you are some day, i've had that hope for a couple years now and its still there. I've actually never been to Bev Francis' gym though i've always wanted to. To be 100% honest with you, I dont think i'll be making the trip. I have to have the surgeries this summer and then its back to Fredonia, NY for school. I would like to train with you, but it wont be for a long time. Thank you for coming by though, its much appreciated and I hope you stick around.
Thanks, J-Dawg. I havent given up. Yet, haha.
Solid workout, dont ever think that you are weak, just think about that progress you are making towards being stronger than you ever have before. Its all a mind game my dude. And I'll be around NY for a while, so if and when ever you feel up to par for a good weight session, ill be here waitin for ya
zanderfever
05-04-12, 2:44 pm
4 minutes biking
Squats
45 x 8
95 x 8
95 x 5 - paused
115 x 5 - paused
115 x 5 - paused
115 x 5 - paused - all easy, hips suck
Leg Press
2 pps x 10
2 pps x 12
2 pps x 12 - easy. hips suck
Glute Kickback type machine
70 x 10 per leg
70 x 12 per leg
70 x 10 per leg
Lying Leg Curls SuperSetted with Leg Extensions
60 x 15 SS 60 x 15
70 x 15 SS 70 x 15
Hip Physical Therapy
Side stepping with bands around feet
Pelvic Tilt with band resistance
Short day, did all of these with maybe 30 seconds of rest, if that. Hips suck, are a bitch, yada yada, weak weak, wahtever. Surgery in a couple weeks.
Solid workout, dont ever think that you are weak, just think about that progress you are making towards being stronger than you ever have before. Its all a mind game my dude. And I'll be around NY for a while, so if and when ever you feel up to par for a good weight session, ill be here waitin for ya
I much appreciate the kind words. I cant help but know that i'm weak in comparison to where I was adn where I want to be. Its a motivational factor that i'm not letting up. I will always think of myself as weak and always have. What does it mean to be strong anyway? I'm resilient. Thats the only thing I can say about my strength/weakness. Resiliency is whats important right now.
zanderfever
05-05-12, 3:41 pm
Plate Loaded Lat Pulldowns - Wide parallel grip
35 x 10
45 x 10
75 x 10
95 x 10
125 x 10
160 x 8
Padded T-Bars
45 x 15
70 x 15
DB Shrugs
40s x 20
40s x 20
50s x 20
Underhand Cable Rows (done on lat pulldown, upper body parallel to ground)
50 x 10
75 x 10
100 x 10
100 x 10
Fin.
Bleh. Didnt really feel it. I kind of just wanted to leave. So I did. No point in forcing this.
zanderfever
05-10-12, 2:38 pm
Shoulder warm up, internal/external rotations and more
BB Bench
45 x 20
65 x 10
95 x 8
115 x 8
135 x 8
145 x 8
DB Bench
30 x 10
35 x 8
Push Ups
BW x 10
BW x 10
Done. Had only 25 minutes to lift so just did this. Nothing great, nothign bad, but nothing also really hurt which was nice. Had a small talk with a guy who was asking me about knee wraps and wrist wraps so that was good. Not a bad day, considering.
zanderfever
05-17-12, 12:17 am
3 minutes of biking
Lying Leg Curls SS Leg Extensions
50 x 10 SS 50 x 10
Squats
45 x 10
65 x 10
95 x 10
115 x 5 - Nope, hips say no
Hip Abductors SS Hip Adductors
30 x 15 SS 30 x 15
50 x 15 SS 35 x 15
70 x 15 SS 45 x 15
Yeah, hip surgery monday. We'll see how that goes.
Good luck with the surgery!
widdlewade44
05-17-12, 11:07 am
Good luck brother.
Kevin
widdlewade44
mcbeast
05-19-12, 12:55 pm
Hope everything goes well with the surgery man. I'm only a text/call away if you need anything..
zanderfever
05-24-12, 11:37 am
Good luck with the surgery!
Good luck brother.
Kevin
widdlewade44
Hope everything goes well with the surgery man. I'm only a text/call away if you need anything..
Thank you guys, the surgery actually went as well as could be hoped. It turns out my labrum wasnt torn, it was damaged though and needed cleaning up a fair bit, but thats ok. I didnt need any anchors or sutures internally so thats really good. They needed to scrape down the bone in a couple spots and my leg was only in traction for a half hour (meaning they pulled it out of the socket so they could get to the head of the bone) instead of 1 hour which is great. I'm feeling decent, which is good and I havent taken a single painkiller either so i'm happy.
zanderfever
05-30-12, 7:48 pm
So, i'm starting to lose patience with this whole recovery thing. Unfortunately, I have not been able to contain losing it until now and am currently suffering quite an anger headache that is not going away. What sucks is I have no way of relieving stress. Here is what I used to do - lift weights, listen to music, play video games, read a book, eat, and more. Guess what? I cant do any of that to a stress relieving point. I have a very serious tendency to go overboard with things and I am having a VERY hard time restraining myself at the moment. So, this is my attempt right now to get some stuff out
I am pissed I cant do shit. I'm post op, so anything physical is out. I have nerve damage in my left ear, so extensive music is out. I ordered 2 books on Friday and they will not come for another 2 days. I can't over eat since I cant do anything in the gym and am VERY immobile and feeling oh so very insecure.
That leaves video games. I'm part of a semi-pro Starcraft 2 team and I broadcast nerdy stuff ALL the time and it is my sole income. Thats not really relieving any pressure on me and relieving stress.
There it is. Simple. My head fething hurts.
zanderfever
06-05-12, 10:08 pm
Chest/Back - 6/2/12
Shoulder Warm Up
Hammer Strength Chest Press
1 pps x 5
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 12
1 pps x 15
1 pps x 15
Hammer Strength 1 Arm Row
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 12
Hammer Strength Incline Chest Press
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
Hammer Strength High Row
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 15
1 pps x 15
1 pps x 20
Felt good to do something
zanderfever
06-05-12, 10:16 pm
Shoulder Warm up
Seated Shoulder Press - Hammer Grip
10 x 10
10 x 10
15 x 10
15 x 10
20 x 10
20 x 10
Seated Lateral Raises
5 x 10
5 x 10
5 x 10
5 x 10
Seated Front Raises
5 x 10
5 x 10
5 x 10
5 x 10
Machine Close Grip Bench
50 x 10
70 x 10
70 x 10
80 x 10
Some Wussy Tricep Machine Thingy
37.5 x 10
37.5 x 10
37.5 x 10
Some Annoying Bicep Machine Thingy
37.5 x 10
37.5 x 10
37.5 x 10
37.5 x 10
It really is good to be back to doing something. Hips are annoying, but at least I can do something at all.
mcbeast
06-07-12, 12:38 pm
Glad your head is in the right place. Something will always be better then nothing Alex. Stay strong brother.
zanderfever
06-12-12, 10:05 pm
Hammer Strength Low Rows
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 15
1+10 pps x 10
1+10 pps x 10
Chest Supported T-Bar Rows
45 x 10
45 x 10
Seated Machine Shrugs
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
Reverse Pec Deck
40 x 10
50 x 10
50 x 10
60 x 10
60 x 10
Got some looks walking around the gym with a crutch, but that was fun.
Glad your head is in the right place. Something will always be better then nothing Alex. Stay strong brother.
Thanks, excessive. Glad to have you for support
zanderfever
06-16-12, 12:43 pm
Rotator Cuff warm up
Decline Hammer Strength Chest Press
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
Hammer Strength Chest Press
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
1 pps x 10
Pec Deck
50 x 10
50 x 10
60 x 10
70 x 10
Seated Lateral Raises
5's x 10
5's x 12
5's x 15
5's x 20
5's x 20
Seated Front Raises
5's x 10
5's x 12
5's x 15
5's x 20
5's x 20
Rope Pressdowns SS Rope Straight Arm pulldowns
30 x 10 SS 30 x 10
40 x 12 SS 40 x 12
50 x 15 SS 50 x 15
Rope Pressdowns SS Face Pulls
50 x 15 SS 50 x 15
50 x 20 SS 50 x 20
50 x 20 SS 50 x 20
Seated Close Grip Hammer Grip Machine Press
50 x 10
70 x 10
80 x 10
Machine Pressdown
37.5 x 10
37.5 x 10
37.5 x 8
Good day. In and out in 45 minutes so very little rest period. And i'm off crutches! Hurray! Still a little limp in the walking though :\
zanderfever
07-13-12, 2:38 pm
Rehab has been going well for my left hip, surgery monday for the right hip.
Bleh. This is going to suck
Rehab has been going well for my left hip, surgery monday for the right hip.
Bleh. This is going to suck
Stay strong z. Best of luck with the upcoming surgery.
zanderfever
09-05-12, 12:41 pm
Stay strong z. Best of luck with the upcoming surgery.
Its been almost 2 months and I think my frustration and anger levels are coming down to a level where I may be able to regularly post, so thats good. My right hip ended up being much more extensive than my left. I needed 5 anchors in it when usually they need 2, maybe 3 in a hip. The labrum was completely detached :/
Well, anyway I did some back yesterday.
Rotator Cuff warm up
Fat Boy Pull Ups
BW x 6
BW x 8 - 4th lowest bar on smith machine
BW x 10 - 3rd lowest bar on smith machine
BW x 8 - lower bar, second lowest setting on smith machine
Wide, Hammer Grip Pulldowns (plate loaded Lat Pulldown)
45 x 10
75 x 10
95 x 10
110 x 8
125 x 6 - Slow, so not to pull on hip flexor
145 x 6 - Slow, so not to pull on hip flexor
Padded T-Bars
45 x 10
55 x 10
70 x 8
95 x 8
105 x 4 DROP 95 x 6 DROP 70 x 5 DROP 45 x 7
Barbell Rows
45 x 10
95 x 10
135 x 10
135 x 10
Barbell Shrugs Super Setted with DB Shrugs
135 x 10
135 x 10 SS 45's x 10
135 x 10 SS 45's x 10
135 x 12 SS 45's x 10
Face Pulls SuperSetted with Behind the Back Wrist Curls
45 x 5 PAUSE 45 x 5 PAUSE 45 x 5 SS 95 x 5 PAUSE 95 x 5
35 X 8 PAUSE 35 x 8 PAUSE SS 95 x 5 PAUSE 95 x 5
35 X 8 PAUSE 35 x 8 PAUSE SS 95 x 5 PAUSE 95 x 5
EZ Bar Curls - The Scott version? I dont remember, the first Olympia winner did this and it was named after him, the version where your upper arms are perpendicular to the ground and you curl from there so its harder
50 x 10
50 x 10
50 x 10
Bi's are boring. Hooray 2 months from now when i'm squatting and deadlifting!
zanderfever
09-09-12, 11:03 pm
9/6/12 - Cardio
Swam for 45 minutes in the morning
9/7/12 - Delt's, Triceps
Rotator Cuff Warm up
Hammer Grip DB Shoulder Presses
15's x 10
25's x10
25's x 15
25's x 15
EZ Bar Shoulder Presses - Under hand grip, only going so far that my upper arms are parallel to the ground
45 x 10
45 x 15
45 x 20
45 x 25
Lateral Raises
5s x 10
5's x 10
7.5's x 10
7.5's x 12
10's x 10
10's x 10
Plate Front Raises
10 x 10
25 x 10
25 x 10
25 x 10
Close Grip Floor Presses
45 x 15
65 x 10
95 x 10
95 x 8
95 x 8
95 x 8
Close Grip Push Ups
BW x 10
BW x 10
BW x 8
Done. Good stuffs. Sore now
zanderfever
10-08-12, 8:38 am
Well, I've clearly done a pretty terrible job of keeping this up to date so i'll include a recap as well as a goodbye for I dont know how long.
I've been training very consistently with a lot of rehab for my hips, shoulders, back, and more. My split is as follows -
Monday - Delts, tri's, abs
Tuesday- Hip rehab, cardio sometimes
Wednesday - Back, traps, sometimes bi's but I really find it hard to care about biceps :/
Thursday - hip rehab, cardio sometimes
Friday - bench, tri's
Saturday - rest
Sunday - rest
Soon I will be able to do hypertrophy centered workouts for my legs on saturdays but i'm holding off to be safe. As boring as that is.
Having said all of this I have been too busy to worry about updating this log consistently so I will say that I will be off for an uncertain amount of time. Who knows? I could be back in a month, year, or more but I honestly do not know as of yet.
I am a biology major in college taking Genetics, Organic Chemistry, and more. I'm also running my own internet broadcasting and streaming station as well as managing an eSports gaming team. These coupled with me trying to hang out with more people in person is leading to a very decreased "me time" amount during the days so I am going to decrease my stress by stopping my worrying about whether or not I can keep this updated since clearly I cant. Thank you very much for those of you have continued to stay helpful to me, it is much appreciated. Thank you,
zander
C.Coronato
10-08-12, 10:01 am
Best of luck in your future endeavors Z. We will be here when you make the return.