Random Thoughts From A Disturbed Meathead

[schwarzi40]

What separates me from the rest of society are the extremes to which I take everything I do.

When I lift, I lift until my fucking nose bleeds. I don't want to look like a Men's Health cover model. I want to be the biggest, baddest motherfucker to ever walk the face of this planet. My demeanor exudes intensity. If you take one look at me, you'll know I mean business.

Why am I this way? Is it hormonal? perhaps. Am I trying to rectify my perceived inadequacies? maybe. Will I ever change? no fucking way.

You see, change is not possible. I've walked down the fiery path that is hardcore lifting, and I've gone too far to turn back. The farther I go, the more intense the fire becomes. My flesh blackens. I could swear I'm in the Seventh level of Hell. But as I walk, my skin toughens, my will becomes more resolved, and I begin in a sick way to enjoy the pain that the flames bring. I yell "FUCK YOU" to the fiery demons that think they can make me quit and turn around.

Let the rest of society walk the path of least resistance. I mean, it's like so much easier. How can I like watch like my dumb fucking TV shows and spend like so much time like shopping for items of no use value when I'm like walking through fire? Wont like the fire like hurt or something?

Yeah, it'll hurt like a bitch. Maybe it's not the right path for you. Just make sure our paths never cross, and we'll have no problems. But if you do try to intrude in my path in any way, I swear that I will bring down upon you a world of Hell that only I, the man that has walked through Hell, knows of.

So continue to walk this path with me brothers. Don't worry about the weak who choose the easy path. Do not envy the ease with which they glide through life. It brings them a false sense of security. They believe that their lives will be alright as long as they avoid pain and hardship.

They don't know that the only way to gain true security is to experience pain and hardship, absorb it until it no longer hurts, and then come back asking for more.

peace.

[Preston]

Beeeeeefy dude, that's some real shit bro. You're gonna do so good in this, and trust me, you're going to make a name for yourself.

[schwarzi40]

All work should be quantifiable.

When in the gym improving your body, work can be quantified by sets x reps x weight. When studying and trying to improve your mind, work can be quantified as the number of pages written per given time frame.

Other types of work can and should be quantified in terms of other measures, but as a student and a powerlifter, lifting and studying are my main forms of work. From now on, I will quantify the work that I do not in terms of hours spent performing a task but in terms of the amount of product produced. What good is spending four hours in the gym if no PR was set? Instead of studying by trying to fomulate concepts in my head, I will write down the concepts on paper to make sure I understand them. I will no longer convince myself that I'm doing something when I'm really doing nothing. When I catch myself doing nothing, I'll do something.

But is this the key to happiness? What about social life? Social life is not work and thus it is out of the realm of anything quantifiable. You can quantify social life by the amount of beers you drink, the amount of friends you have, or the amount of chicks you bang, but numbers really mean nothing when it comes to social life. Social life should be measured only in terms of quality. You can drink, but are you having a good time? You can have friends, but are they friends who have your back no matter what? You can have girls, but do you have a girl with whom you share true love and trust?

Happiness is individual, but I'm sure that for each individual, there is a specific quantity of work produced and a specific quality of social life necessary for that individual to gain happiness

[schwarzi40]

Often times I think about how important my family has been in the process of shaping the man that I've come to be.

When I started printing bodybuilding articles off of the internet at age 11, they discouraged me because of my age. When I began seriously lifting weights in high school, they became worried that my passion for lifting was interfering with my social life and my academics. Now, as I'm beginning to accomplish myself in the sport of powerlifting, they're finally beginning to accept that this is what I am - this isn't just a phase that will go away like they'd hoped.

I really don't blame them for not understanding. If you aren't familiar with this lifestyle, it is probably a little worrisome to see your child develop this way. I'm sure they've always had my best interests in mind - and although they never helped me along the way to becoming a powerlifter, they helped me in so many other ways that I am so grateful for.

My parents instilled in me the strong work ethic that I define myself by. I've obeyed their wishes and directed this work ethic toward my studies - this is the least I could do. Powerlifting is a separate journey that I've started on my own, but I've used the work ethic they instilled to propel me to where I am today.

So tonight, I'm going to call them and thank them.

[schwarzi40]

If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing that I've done. I may have handled some situations differently, but I would not have changed the decisions that led me into those situations.

This does not mean I have enjoyed every day of my life. This is far from the truth. However, I believe that by affirming the big decisions that I've made in the past, I am instilling confidence in my decision-making abilities for the future.

There is no such thing as a right or wrong decision. Never decide that you made a wrong decision. When you made that decision, you were operating under some assumption you assumed to be correct. If it turns out that the assumption was incorrect, then you made the wrong assumption, not the wrong decision.

You see, when we make decisions that turn out to have deleterious effects, we sometimes determine that this was the wrong decision and that if we could go back, we'd choose the other option. But what if the other decision would also have had deleterious effects? This is something that we cannot possibly know, and even if we did, the information would be useless because you will never encounter the same exact decision with the same exact circumstances ever again.

Here's instead what happened when you made a decison that had deleterious effects: you made the incorrect assumption, but big fucking deal, this happens all the time and is not attributable to any faulty thinking patterns that you think you may have. Then one of two things happened: you think you fucked up so you panicked and did something stupid, or you relaxed and played the situation to whatever advantage you had.

We must strive in the future to relax and remain confident when we find ourselves in situations that result from decisions that have deleterious effects. This is because we know for sure that the assumptions we make in the future will not always be the correct ones. Do not dwell on past decisions in order to ascertain decisions in the future. Rather, rely on your instincts to determine your decisions, and if it turns out that you make a decision that has deleterious effects, relax and remain confident and play the situation to whatever advantage you have.

I believe this to be a blueprint for self-confidence.

[schwarzi40]

Excerpts from an article:

"I believed in romance and "true love conquers all" etc. I wanted to find a woman who could be my equal, my partner. I believed in finding that one true love and being committed to each other forever. You know, like in the marriage vows, "for better or for worse, through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer" etc. And I believed that women basically wanted the same thing. Now I understand that this was only possible when society was structured to enforce it. Now that women are "liberated" (and thus at the mercy of their own emotions and baser instincts) this is mostly no longer possible in today's society."

"* Keep the woman always swinging somewhere between validation and rejection. If she feels rejected, she drops out or gets REALLY MAD. And if she feels too validated, she will ditch you in a heartbeat. So push her away (emotionally) and then pull her back in. "

"Ironically, women are most attracted to the men who are most likely to fuck them and then dump them on their ass - because those are precisely the men who have so many other options because they practice on lots of women. That's why you always hear women bitching about how men are assholes that only want to fuck them and dump them - because those are the men that they gravitate to. "

[schwarzi40]

I've decided today that I am too easily distracted by internet porn. This has been killing my productivity as of late. From now on, I will no longer visit porn sites.

[Pokoritel]

Some powerful words there. When it comes to the women part its true and false. You have women who do that stuff and you have women who dont. Same with men. Some guys do that shit and others dont. But overall I here what your saying bro.

[bleed_alone]

I honestly think my intelligence grew after reading these posts. Keep em comin' bro. And good call on those uh.. sites. haha peace

[Ratch]

No! We can't give up on internet porn! haha

[schwarzi40]

I realize today that I live in a prison. Maybe I am the only one who lives in a prison, maybe it is my own unique depression and anxiety that form the walls surrounding my mind. Or maybe this prison is common to us all - it is the prison of uncertainty about the future and the meaning of life.

I deal with my uncertainty by lifting weights and planning for my future career. Sometimes these activities distract me long enough that I forget about my uncertainties, but eventually my mind always wanders back into the prison.

In the prison, I ask myself, what is the point of lifting weights and getting jacked? What is the point of having a lucrative career? Will these things bring me any closer to the answers I seek about the meaning of life? Will they bring me closer to eternal happiness? Or do they only serve to distract me from my uncertainties? If the latter, are weightlifting and career-planning behaviors that are any better than doing drugs or engaging in behaviors of self-destruction? All of these behaviors serve to distract us from our uncertainties, so are the latter two any worse than the former?

Have I chose lifting weights and planning for a career because our society holds these behaviors in higher esteem than drug usage and self-destruction? What if we lived in a society where drug usage and self-destruction were behaviors that were held in higher esteem than weightlifting and career-planning?

[schwarzi40]

Alone. This is how I spend most of my time. I always feel that there exists a gaping void in my life that I'm constantly, unsuccessfully trying to fill.

It is only when I'm working to better myself that I feel good. However, there's only so much work that I can do to better myself. Now I'm beginning to realize that in order to fill the void in my life, I must actively seek to do good for others. I always ask myself, what can I do right now to improve myself? Eventually I run out of ideas.

I must begin to ask myself, what can I do to improve the lives of others? I cannot wait for others to find me and ask for help, I have to actively seek out others and try to help them in whatever way I can.

My fraternity's formal is this Sunday, and I don't have a single option for a date. I believe this problem relates to my overarching problem of narcissism. I have been wallowing in a depression because of this, but fuck that, I need to stop being a pussy and go do good for others.

I need to stop being a narcissistic asshole. I'll begin becoming a good human being tomorrow after I kick ass in the weightroom.

[brandona]

Very humble and honorable mission bro..go forth and fill that void....time to childlike things away..time to be a man.....

Glad to see your back bro..love your words..

-B

[doomsdaylover]

many who have been in this hobby for a long time would disagree with your methods. To quote Jay Cutler, "I'm a bodybuilder, I'm not an idiot."

[Iron_Spirit]

Have I chose lifting weights and planning for a career because our society holds these behaviors in higher esteem than drug usage and self-destruction? What if we lived in a society where drug usage and self-destruction were behaviors that were held in higher esteem than weightlifting and career-planning?

You need to know yourself (not your superficial self) profoundly. When you get a notion of who you are profoundly, all those doubts dissapear and you're able to have a better picture of what your path in life is.

Read a book on philosophical anthropology, although it seems like something only a philosopher would need to read... that is VERY far from the truth, that science is the very guide by which we could live our lives. If every man read on it, this would be a much much better world.

That science is our attempt to define what makes us human beings unique and individual. Once you know what makes you a human, and understand what parts comprehend you, then you can start looking into yourself.

Its just a map, you've got to get into the woods and see the characteristics of the land.

[peterpyper]

good luck on ur misson never give up

[bharatoza]

Just yesterday I read an old article by Arnold Schwarzenegger about enjoying bodybuilding and not letting it isolate you or make you anti-social. Yes I know people don't understand why we love the pain and some think it's all about vanity, etc etc. But it's your life and you need to enjoy life as much as you enjoy bodybuilding.
I can relate to your passion but I feel some of the things are a bit too extreme. I'm saying this cuz till I read that article I was 'extreme' too but now I want to try and create a balance.
Anyway, some great words there. Keep it up.

Found the article: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0801/is_8_66/ai_n14891965

[schwarzi40]

My brother and my father complain alot. It sickens me. My brother, an all-star athlete in high school and college, coasted through his academics without applying himself much, and now complains as he goes from one job to another in the financial/legal world, working long hours while not enjoying the work he's doing.

My father, a psychiatrist, complains often about how boring his line of work is. He believes that salvation will come to him in the form of a new car, or a new boat.

Don't get me wrong, I love my brother and my father. I also respect their hard work and the long hours they put in to their work. However, I'd like to grab both of them, slap the shit out of each of em, and tell them to STOP FUCKING COMPLAINING.

You see, life's too short to do a job you don't want to do. And, one of the
beautiful things about free will is, you can change your circumstances whenever you want. The catch is, changing your circumstances always involves putting forth some thought or effort, and often times this amount of thought or effort is more than most are willing to put forth. My brother, my father, and I'd estimate more than 90% of people in our society are more comfortable complaining about their situations than actually putting forth the effort to change. And this is why, my friends, most people are MEDIOCRE.

But I find some hope for humanity in places like this site. Most people here are not mediocre, and for those that are, they are self-aware and are nobly trying to rise above their mediocrity. You see, when I push myself to the brink of vomiting during workouts, I don't complain to anyone. When I failed my first biology test at Cornell, I didn't complain about how hard it was. I blamed myself for not working hard enough (though I studied my ass off,) and came back to ace the next one. This is called PROGRESS, and no matter where your starting point, it's what separates the Animal from the hordes of mediocrity. This is MY LIFE - and I fucking love every minute of it.

[hjayss]

Good shit bro...start putting a number by each one...

[Stillfers_dad]

I've decided today that I am too easily distracted by internet porn. This has been killing my productivity as of late. From now on, I will no longer visit porn sites.

Amen....Same to me...

[Jaymafin]

you know what? its people like schwarzi that make me thankful for this website. im in the military where i work with hundreds of people and can honestly say i have had some insight to everyones frame of mind at some point in the 7 years ive been here. i work in a bar with a bunch of bouncers that are all some degree of a type A personality. i go to a gym that have a lot of very strong guys that i would consider a not quite full fledged friends but good people none the less. still, coming into contact with all of these people i have not found a single one that comes close to my mentality except on this site. not even my lifting partner who takes wednesdays off yet refuses to do legs on the weekends to spend time with his chick, its too nice out he says to me. why not do them on weds i say and he had no answer. he will never progress past a certain point. every saturday i do legs myself and every time i get a stronger and stronger itch to lift by myself again. i used to feel alone because of my frame of mind but thanks to brothers like schwarzi and the rest of the boys and girls here i dont feel alone anymore.

[schwarzi40]

During my training session today I realized that training, if applied properly, allows one to constantly re-invent his/her identity.

Every time we step in to the weight room, we strive to break PR's, to be better than we were last time, to make progress. When we leave the gym after breaking PR's, we step back out into the real world changed, renewed, purified. This is not solely a purification of the body, but a purification of the mind as well. Only real hardcore lifters realize this - lifting is a spiritual activity - we are not doing this only to improve our bodies, but to test our mental toughness and to learn additional things about ourselves. With each PR and each new accomplishment in the gym, we uncover new mental weaponry that before lay dormant in the deep recesses of our minds, and we thus effectively bolster our mental arsenals with which we use to do daily battle in increasingly competitive societies.

Lift hard, lift heavy, make progress, change, improve.

[violator]

Keep it ill bro, good attitude, i like it....
keep perservering, ill be walking in the seventh level with ya..

peace