Your Journey

[Praetor]

To the fellas that have created this brotherhood of iron. I appreciate it. We all have marched on our own paths till now. As the brotherhood grows, we all take our place amongst the ranks. Each one of us with our own story, our own hardships and our own triumphs. The legion is a calling to all of those that strive for something greater from themselves. I want to give back, I want to show you all what I have done for myself as well as for the glory of the legion. I ask that others do the same on this thread and post their ascent, their fall and their redemption.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I take my place amonst the Legion, My name is Praetor, this is my journey

Today was one of the best days of my life
Standing over that toilet Puking my guts out
drunk with persperation and nerve. Light headed.
No I wasnt drinking

I was throwing out squats like a guy couldnt believe
This is a turning point for me
at that rack I was on my own. Knowing only I can determine how far I want to take myself, how far I am willing to go, how much pain i'm willing to put myself through. I took myself all the fucking way and then some tonight. Knees curdling, legs on fire, guys huddled all around, screaming one more, seeing red and feeling the blood rush to my temple. It didnt matter, to me I am alone; a lone Iron soldier, ready to die for what I believe in, for what I have worked for all my life...
Just six months out of surgery, I never thought I could get so far in such a small amount of time.
Ha my knee wasn't even an obstacle, It was daring me to go farther, daring me to push out one last rep. At some point I thought I couldn't go on, but then I looked up and saw the metaphorical stars buzzing around my head, I let at a scream, said one more and threw those fucking half dollars as if I was on my deathbed. Coming up I knew If I dont work, I'll never see any gain. Smiling, I came down one more time feeling the hot blood shoot to my stomach forcing me to scream. Barely pushing it up. Damn another leg day done, another scratch on the wall ...just 3 more months.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

My Journey part II

Alright, keep on rollin baby...
Throw your hands up!! Move in! Move out... Hands up, hands down!
Breath in breath out... what you ganna do now!?!

Calloused palms touch iron. Oh yea, I feel it. The adrenaline pumping, the music full blast. Ready to go?? Hell yea I am. Focus. If I dont do anything else, I must focus. Even if I screw up every rep, Breath like im going into cardiac arrest or fall down dead from some unkown aliment ...atleast im focused. I throw on another plate. My veins dialate, energy surges into my pecs, my armements bang with explosive force, firing the slug of iron sky high. Just nineteen more, FOCUS. Fourteen, Fifteen, shit my right arm is going to hell again, drive it up. Stop bitching. My hips scream forward, my back arches, I barely rack it, the right side misses and hits the "oh shit" peg with a deep clap ...Fuck. My arms fall limp to my winded body. Face red, temples swelling. My mind begins to wander ...the doc, what a great guy, telling me I can do anything with this biomachine of mine, his words hit harder than he could ever imagine. ...Then that gal, I don't know her that well. Just one gaze her way an I knew she was something rare. All I wanted was to know her... FOCUS! I tell myself. Get your head out of the clouds and come back down to warm sweat, a throbbing chest, and hard reality. I feel the heavy burden of my labor on the landing. I lean back. The cannons tense and coil in preperation ...ready to fire.

Bench press, every fella lives for it. But it only takes a guy so far.
I see the men who walk around with legs of a chicken and bitch about how much they can bench, HA! like I give a damn. The first thing I learned when getting into the business is that no one gives a shit how much I bench. Even if a person is one of the rare few that doesn't lie when it comes to what he lifts, no one cares, especially me. When I hear a fella tell me he can lift more, I don't get envious, I dont get mad, I get my ass in the gym an work that much harder. Drive with every last shred of muscle. Thats how I rise above those who keep me down. I beat them out with every last bit of flesh I have, using sheer force to drive them back, I cannot be shackled, I refuse to be restrained.

Like a thirsty animal fighting to keep his place at the water hole. Refusing to give up ground... stubborn, unwaivering. It aint a matter of how fierce the beast looks, how strong it is, or has become ...it is a matter of life and death. Giving up at any moment, no matter how short, is the end, the thirst will not be quenched and the creature will perish. That is my way of lifting, If I do not finish, If I falter at any moment, I will perish. I refuse to give up a single yard, I brace myself for the upcoming slaughter, this is the shit I LIVE for.

[Praetor]

My Journey III

It aint fair.
Last night it took me two an half hours to write my log. Some real deep shit. Not just about liftin this time, but about something else. Someone else. Usually after these logs, my mind is taking a brisk walk hand in hand with my jaded body. I gotta keep em' both running tough if I plan on getting anywhere in this life time. But last night I talked about something else. About destiny, about coincidence. Yet all of that brainpower was destroyed, put down like an old dog. The network failed and erased everything. It aint fair.
When life comes down to it, everything happens for a reason. Now when I say everything, I dont mean chilling there an winning the lottery. I mean when you go out and do something, the outcome of that action causes another event, positive or negative, to occur.
I am the largest skeptic you will ever meet when it comes to either of those words. I dont want to sound like hopeful pussy or a desperate loser. But man. Things like this are way above my head. I am sure as hell not scared to admit it.
Not getting to in depth but what are the chances... What are the chances that a dame that caught my eye from across a room a month or so back outta nowhere starts talking to me ...without me even realizing its her. Then seeing her a few days later walkin with an old friend from the past, after I already decided not to try an spend some time with her an instead make it to the gym ...I still feel selfish about that.
The weirdest thing to me was being the last guy struggling to the door. I'm about ready to pass out. The flourescent lights having been dimmed down and the large orange "closed"letters already put up in the window. Ready to take those last few steps into the arid darkness when the fella behind the counter stops me an starts talking about destiny and dames. Outta no where!? WTF? I just got done lifting, the only thing i've ever said to the guy is a simple whats up or a slight nod goodbye. The last thing I want to hear is some random spout of words that keeps me from my run an my protein shake. Ah well, I stop to listen anyways, I hate being rude. He says that everything happens for a reason. That nothing is by chance. He tells me how he didn't try with some great gals and now he regrets it. Ha all I have to do is try?? Is that it?? ha the secret of the world. when it comes to gals, I never try, not right now, I need to stay focused. But then again, maybe he was trying to let me in on something... I just nod my head to him. After such small chances of me talkin to that gal an then this dude telling me about taking chances an stuff happening for a reason. Idk it creeped me out. What is this some secret joke where I am the subject of everyones deep plot of complete humiliation??
I've been trying all my life, Fighting for every last bit of ground, everything you see around me I have earned ...I used to have nothing. I will always "try" but only for something I would be willing to risk everything for.....

[CBNieboer]

Ave, Praetor!

I see that you wrote the preceding nearly a year ago, but I'm going to respond to it anyway, as it has struck a chord.

There are times, in my experience, when life takes an unexpected, wonderful, erratic turn. We don't look for it to happen, and we may not even want it to happen at first; but the signs are there and we are compelled to follow where Fate leads. (Everything DOES happen for a reason, too. More than one, in fact.) I know I'll probably catch shit for saying this, but sometimes dedication and determination must give way--even in this game--to flexibility. When Fate opens a door and beckons us, are we to walk past it stubbornly because it wasn't part of our plans?

Flowery words--the bottom line is that I hope you pursued the girl. I suspect you did... But either way, I'm sure it all worked out. (No pun intended.)

Vale!