View Full Version : Trial by Fire...Resurrection Through Anguish
Mark this day in your Calendars..(some of you won't give a rat's fuzzy little ass) but this is the beginning of a new journal.....
That is a continuation of a Journal I've been running 3.5 yrs nonstop over at WBB. (If someone cares, or wants to see if I've paid my dues, or to call BULLSHIT I'll send you the link)
I've never strayed from the site.
As of late it's just gotten too pussified and inundated by the same dumbass questions.
I'm 26. 6'2" 250 around 15-16% BF est.
I've been a bodybuilder for 3 yrs now.
I'm currently bulking and am shooting for the 270 Mark.
Hopefully I won't get too fat and disgusting this time around. Unfortunately I need to get fat to put on muscle. I'm eating about 6000 cals and trying to stick to a 50/20/30 Macro split.
Workouts and diet will follow shortly.
I'm coming off of a SHIT weekend.
I live in the Ghetto of Sacramento. I'm not fucking kidding.
I get solicited by prostitutes or acosted for change on the way to my truck every morning.
Well all of my shit. ALL of it that I had in storage in the Grandmother's quarters behind the place I live got stolen. Someone cut the chain to the gate and got in. I say "got" in and not Broke in.
I don't know WHEN my shit got jacked. The place looked untouched from the outside. Anyhow. They got car parts for My Supra. Stock parts mind you. and books and stuff and clothes. and 15 years of Memories in a box. Street value: Dick.
Someone basically broke in and stole items loaded with sentimental value. They pulled a daring robbery and basically succeeded in shitting in my Oatmeal. Hooray for you. Idiots.
They did however steal an old ass stove. a few tools and 8 Sheets of Drywall.
Distractions.....
I've come to believe that distractions are tests. Every single one of them.
On a daily basis I open my eyes and my priorities are challenged.
I've started a new career, had a hellacious cold, and moved so things have been hectic to say the least.
I had to step back from the gym for a week because I was doing more harm than good.
My bitchy roommate calls me up yesterday because my Bulldog peed on the floor in the living room.
I held onto my first inclnation to say "Well, don't let him out of his room while I'm gone, Dipshit."
He's screaming about getting a cage that he can't chew his way out of..
Fine. I don't give a shit about some pee on a hardwood floor that wipes right up....but I'm damn sure tired of hearing this primadonna bitch
I go to get a metal cage and my Girl calls me.
See, I just left the car business because after 3 miserable yrs; I was just DONE. I now have my weekends so I went back to working as security in a nightclub downtown Sacramento.
It's a good gig. I meet a lot of people...keeps me connected and sober but still in the nightlife. (I don't drink or party anymore.)
It's still kind of an inconvenience though and not as fun as it used to be.
My girl starts talking about priorities and shit. I tell her I found this place and it'll be nice to be a part of a more Hardcore community..
Then she says something that blows my mind and probably did the opposite of what she wanted.Ok Don't make it your #1 priority now...
"WHAT?! Don't make it my #1 priority? "
"Yeah, I know you get into your "little" workout kicks"...
WHAT?! Are you fucking kidding?" KICKS?! You call 3.5 yrs a "Kick"?!
Well...theres some periods where you are into it more than others..."
You wanna talk about a kick in the teeth. SHIT.
My last words to her were that what she said was incredibly sobering and I apparently need to restructure my commitment to the lifestyle.
I've been eating nonstop...put on 20lbs in 5 weeks...and she thinks I get into KICKS.
That just shows me that I've been distracted by all of this inconsequential crap that crowds my life.
Everything you do in life is a DECISION.
Everything. I chose not to get up at 5am. I chose to go back to work at this nightclub and take time away from myself.
Your Attitude is a choice.
If you believe that you will succeed you are right.
If you believe you will fail; you are right.
EVerything you do today is a test. Every choice you make alters your life. EVERY one.
Take a step back and look at what you are doing and where your path is going.
I suppose I should thank my girlfriend for shitting in my oatmeal like that.
Well. I'm committed now. Just booked my flights and hotel room for the Arnold. Damn I'm stoked.
Quit the damned club last night. I had just had enough. I've always had the company's and my bro's collective back. Well the company never had mine.I'm going to focus on my primary job to make up the cash difference.
Chalk that up to Lessons learned. Ultimately, if you don't work for yourself you are insignificant in someone's eyes.
Fuck that.
More time for eating,sleeping,shitting and training.
Plus I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every club they own as I went out in a ball of fury.
peterpyper
01-19-07, 9:59 pm
damn bro sounds hectic,when times get ruff keep goin,good days will come along pass the storm,stay strong never give up ull make it for sure,take it ez bro
Thanks Boss,
These times ain't tough..Sheeit. I'm in my element amidst chaos! Honestly things have been pretty tame.
I've been more focused than I've ever been but thanks for the support.
hatred, I'm lovin this journal. send me the link to your WBB one. I just wanna read it. I'm going through some shit rigt now too. it's good to know I'm not the only one who is staying focused in the middle of a fucking hurricane of bullshit and worries...
Pm sent brother.
I'm going to warn you publicly.
There is 3 and a half yrs of my life.
a journey from 6'2" 180 to 260.
sexual conquests,mishaps, potty humor and all things necessary to make a successful reality tv show...I just never had a camera pointed at me.
Check out the following:
"The bible thumper incident"
The Dolphin incident"
journey to the arnold 05/06 and consequences....etc.I need to priont it out and sell it.
Seems you may have spoken into the goddamned future.
Get this shit Brothers...
I'm not fucking kidding when I say that I need a camera on me at all times!!!
I was BEAT from the past 4 days of killing it in the gym. My body was killing me and telling me that I needed a day of rest..maybe even a nap.
I take a "Nap" last night at 7pm and wake up from it at 9 am today.14 hrs..interrupted by piss,water and food breaks...lol. I barely remember getting up to have shakes and protein bars.
Anyway. I drag my sorry ass out of bed and let my loving pooch outside.
I love this damn dog more than life itself. I'm not kidding. He'd eat a grenade for me....
So I let him out.
Remember I live in the goddamned Ghetto in Sacramento. I take my eggs and oats into the John to make efficient use of my "downtime" shower and go to let my dog in.
He isn't fucking there.
The gates are all securely shut. I persnally sealed all gaps he could have escaped out of.
I silently scream.
My Boy G is a purepred Pit. STOUT and shredded. Unfortunately he is the sweetest dog in the world and wouldn't hurt a fly unless I was in danger.
Every fucking emotion i could feel swarmed over me. I felt like I'd let him down. I tried to imagine his life as it would be now. I knew he'd been stolen.I stood firm against the feeling of helplessness that tried to take me down while recalling almost all of mys shit being stolen less than two weeks ago.
I run inside put on some shorts still wet from the shower.
I jumped in my truck and start driving around the neighborhood.
I said a prayer at a stopsign.
"God, for everything that's ever been stolen from me please let G be the one thing I get back."
I turned right and headed down the street and took another right....It's like 30 degrees out. mind you.I'm wet.
I come to the last stopsign and look left.
There's some punk motherfucker walking my dog by the collar down the sidewalk about a block down.
You wanna talk about RAGE?
I PUNCHED it and cranked the wheel to the left and hauled ass down the wrong side of the street...This Bitch turns around and sees that fucking white death is bearing down on him and lets G go.
I wanted to run him down more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.
But G recognizes my truck and makes a bee line for me.I had to stop and let him in so I had to let that waste of life get away braids and gold chains flappin in the wind. I stood there in 30 degree weather soaked and in the middle of a huge cloud of steam staring this guy down hoping he'd look back.
It had to be a hell of a sight. I'm glad as hell I didn't get that shotgun like I wanted.
Well...I'd love to go a few weeks without pouring some negative shit into the universe but I don't need it in my head so here....
My girl and I have been through a lot. We've stuck by each other through thick and thin but this bitch is crazy.
I've known it all along but I guess hoped on some level she'd change for me.
And she did. a lot. Neither of us parties anymore and haven't for some time.But through all the voluntary changes in the world nothing can correct growing up in a fucked up household. I took her to Tahoe for her Birthday a few weeks ago. Well the night we were supposed to leave she gets all shitty with me for no reason and I can't figure it out. There was no justification. it makes matters worse when my buddy doesn't call me to give me directions...until late. By then it had been squashed but it just left a bad taste in my mouth. I've been through a lot of shit because of her and honestly after everything that has happened I don't care anymore. I won't fight for her like I used to.
It's a sad revelation when you find that what you fought for for so long isnt worth fighting for anymore.
So I put it on her.
I say I wanted to go to the gym together and after about an hr (halfway) she asks me if I'm ready to go. I just look at her like "No." we're always here about 2 hrs...
(she's in great shape so this was a surprise)
She proceeds to sit there and watch me workout.
I'm just like "Fuck this" I won't be rushed. I offered her my keys if she wanted to leave.
I turned my back on her and forgot she existed while I plowed through my workout. Getting angrier and angrier the whole time.
It hits me.
We don't have SHIT in common anymore.
And it's 100% HER fault. I've had people telling me all along. I've known it. It's fact.
We're lying in bed and she says (what do you think about us?)
I say "I don't know"....
and unload telling her everyproblem she's ever had with me being distant or whatver was a result of her being shitty. I had my golden opportunity to let her go last night and I probably should have. She apologized and said she doesn't want to lose me...I don't know bros..
A good friend once said "going back to a bad relationship is like taking a carton of milk out of the fridge..opening it..finding it's sour and putting it back in saying "it'll be good tomorrow."
I wake up this morning to this:
7am
<Footsteps running down the sidewalk.>
Pimp:"Bitch! get back in the car!!"
You fuckin with me!!
Why you runnin??!! you can't go nowhere!!!
I really gotta get out of this house.
Well...I'd love to go a few weeks without pouring some negative shit into the universe but I don't need it in my head so here....
My girl and I have been through a lot. We've stuck by each other through thick and thin but this bitch is crazy.
I've known it all along but I guess hoped on some level she'd change for me.
And she did. a lot. Neither of us parties anymore and haven't for some time.But through all the voluntary changes in the world nothing can correct growing up in a fucked up household. I took her to Tahoe for her Birthday a few weeks ago. Well the night we were supposed to leave she gets all shitty with me for no reason and I can't figure it out. There was no justification. it makes matters worse when my buddy doesn't call me to give me directions...until late. By then it had been squashed but it just left a bad taste in my mouth. I've been through a lot of shit because of her and honestly after everything that has happened I don't care anymore. I won't fight for her like I used to.
It's a sad revelation when you find that what you fought for for so long isnt worth fighting for anymore.
So I put it on her.
I say I wanted to go to the gym together and after about an hr (halfway) she asks me if I'm ready to go. I just look at her like "No." we're always here about 2 hrs...
(she's in great shape so this was a surprise)
She proceeds to sit there and watch me workout.
I'm just like "Fuck this" I won't be rushed. I offered her my keys if she wanted to leave.
I turned my back on her and forgot she existed while I plowed through my workout. Getting angrier and angrier the whole time.
It hits me.
We don't have SHIT in common anymore.
And it's 100% HER fault. I've had people telling me all along. I've known it. It's fact.
We're lying in bed and she says (what do you think about us?)
I say "I don't know"....
and unload telling her everyproblem she's ever had with me being distant or whatver was a result of her being shitty. I had my golden opportunity to let her go last night and I probably should have. She apologized and said she doesn't want to lose me...I don't know bros..
A good friend once said "going back to a bad relationship is like taking a carton of milk out of the fridge..opening it..finding it's sour and putting it back in saying "it'll be good tomorrow."
I can relate to that like you'll never know....except replace "g/f" with "wife" and I didn't put the carton back in the fridge...best thing i ever did.
Pounded the final nail in the coffin of my dysfunctional relationship today.
I feel like a fuckin advertisement for the lifestyle.
In the end my lifestyle and commitment to bodybuilding rooted out a personality clash between me and my girl.
I told her about a company using me to test a new supplement and she said "ok"
I just looked at her and said...I'm pretty stoked about it. It's nice to stand out enough to be picked for something like this.
"It's not really something that interests me...what do you want me to fake it?"
After 9 months it astounded me that someone could be that self centered as to not be happy for me even if it was something that didn't matter to them.
I walked to her car and left her there.
I told her she was unbelievable and walked away.
She drove up next to me and says to me so you're really being like this?
me: Yeah. I've had enough.
her: I don't want to be with you
me: You're already driving. I suggest you continue to do so. PEACE.
Insanity is a life of disorder and chaos wrapped up in a neat little package that to the outside looks to be nice and tidy. Imagine a ball of lightning covered in wrapping paper.
SOme days recently I look at the celing and ask "what the fuck is going to happen today?"
I embrace it. Shit happens and I can't stop it.
Might as well learn from it, deal with it and pass it on to my brothers here.
I'm not going to say things are shit right now.
I've got a lot going for me. But sometimes I have to stop and laugh. Wondering what sick fuck is manipulating the stage of my life. With all it's inherent puppeteers controlling these ridiculous puppets around me.
I'm living in the ghetto as mentioned before. Helping a buddy renovate his house. It's a good deal for me.
I can do pretty much anything as far as a house is concerned so it's rent free in exchange for renovating it (10hrs a month)
well, That's coming to a close.
I was demolishing some of the trim in the hallway and revealed that the entire houses interior space is overrun by mold. The house has to be Gutted.
he can't rent it like this. And he risks selling it.
So I need a place to live in the next 30 days. Honestly I want out NOW but can't afford it. That Black mold is some serious shit.
Plus he's turning out to be a whiny little bitch.
He left my dog out by himself for like 10 minutes and (G freaks out when alone) G hopped in the bathtub and pooped.
I personally think that it is the awesomest thing he has ever done. I'm damn proud of him for shitting in the tub.
PlacentiaBay
02-24-07, 8:12 pm
Hey man I know how you feel about the insanity. I feel it everyday. Surrounded by the pathic waste of space people that have no respect for anything. They burn me up inside day in and day out. As i know it highschool. These people think it will be the end of the world if the get there hair messed up or dirt on the clothes. It drives me absolutly mad. Not to mention all the other bullshit that goes on in my life every acking moment of my life. Only thing that keeps me from snapping is the gym. Your not in this game we call life alone my friend there is many of us out there. Peace
TufffGuY
02-24-07, 8:19 pm
yo bro luv the attitude keep workin send me a link of WBB wanna check it out