View Full Version : Anger management outside the gym...

01-18-07, 3:53 am
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f......ing
number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that
anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to
call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and
hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and
put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills
or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"
It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this
is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're
familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in
his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his
number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole,

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is."

I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax . It's a yellow
rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I
had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole 1.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an assho le!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah,"

He screamed, " Stop calling me,"

I said, "Make me,"

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"

I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , a yellow
rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole .2.

He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, asshole,"

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way over there to
kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree
Blvd. in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax . I got there just
in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in
front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a
news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work

01-18-07, 4:02 am
That is some of the funniest shit I've read in a while bro

01-18-07, 4:08 am
That's fuckin brilliant. I'm gonna give that a try the next time someone pisses me off. Ha Ha Ha

Grim Tavis
01-18-07, 2:20 pm
That was gold!

01-18-07, 6:20 pm
ahh that was awesome, thanks for that

01-18-07, 6:30 pm
hahaha now that'd be a great scene in a movie... that's awesome


01-18-07, 6:40 pm
If that is true its hillarious and brilliant

01-18-07, 6:48 pm
Haha good one bro.

01-18-07, 7:23 pm
Hahahaha, that was awesome!

Nice one brotha!

-Peace Out-

01-18-07, 7:29 pm
ha! thanks for the laugh!

01-18-07, 8:01 pm

01-18-07, 9:05 pm
did that really happen!?! ... omg lol

Big Jawn
01-18-07, 9:58 pm
Joe? You the poet behind this?

01-18-07, 10:15 pm
Glad to hear you guys are havin a laugh outta this one, like they say laughters a good fix.

Naw it didnt happen to me personally (Although it's a GREAT idea) I just received it as a memo at work and thought I'd share it here. Turned purple when i read it for the first time


01-18-07, 10:46 pm
That is great!


01-21-07, 1:02 am
You made my day. pure evil

01-21-07, 1:40 am
that is great!!!! i laughed out loud when i read it

01-21-07, 1:53 am
Read that one before, but it really is the work of an evil genius!

01-21-07, 2:26 am
Dude Holy Fucking Shit Im Sitting Here Laughing My Ass Off!!!!!! Tell Me You Are Kidding With That Story Oh My God That Is The Funniest Shit Ive Heard In So Long Hahahahahahahahaha I Cannot Stop Laughingggggggggggg Hahahhahahahahaa You Made My Night Bro! Lata

01-21-07, 3:20 am
I'm gonna get pissed and 2 guys just so I can pull this shit off!!! Classic bro, if you have anything more like this - keep it coming ^_^


01-21-07, 3:21 am
lol nice

01-21-07, 12:39 pm
fucking nice hahahaha

01-21-07, 2:18 pm
damn, bigger balls 'n me!

08-13-10, 9:52 am
That is the best most epic shit ever haha!!

08-13-10, 10:16 am
Good stuff!

08-13-10, 10:42 am

I'm stealing this for my FB page Joe, LMAO this is freaking great

08-13-10, 11:48 am
This is hilarious hahaha.

This is also a prime example of using the mind to its capabilities. Had this happened in real life a normal person would sit there and yell and bitch when a person stole anothers parking spot. A smarter person would wait for that person to leave and then deflate all 4 tires and teach the guy a lesson. Always better to teach someone a lesson than make a mistake on your part.

08-13-10, 11:59 am
damn near pissed myself! I gotta share the with my coworkers.

08-13-10, 12:57 pm
That was fucking awesome... God Bless!


08-13-10, 2:35 pm
In-fucking-credible!!! HAHAHA!

08-13-10, 5:18 pm
LOL hahahahaa. nice to have a good laugh in a while

08-13-10, 5:29 pm
Just loved the ringing up the guy whenever he's having a bad day, screaming abuse and hanging up.

B. Rowe
08-13-10, 5:36 pm
This is great, glad it was just a joke because it is a little messed up but still got a chuckle out of me. Love to meet the genius that came up with this.