a deeper look into a demented mind

[eblnyc]

I look over this thread and man I am fucked up. My journey has continued and I get stronger every day I don't weigh what I should but I lift like a beast. As in have said in the past I have done damage to myself. Its ireversable which I have to live with . I have had an tooth pulled and have to have 3 more pulled this month. Eventually all of my top teeth will be pulled and I will be getting implants. My dentist tells me he can salvage my bottom teeth but the top teeth are beyond repair. It makes me angry but the only person I can blame is myself . I chose to not eat I chose to weigh 98 pounds I chose to think Ian fat when every bone in my body was sticking out and my clothes hung on my skeleton. I obsessed over the scale and the mirror and never liked what I saw and even now I look and not like what I see. These thoughts have never left me ,too fat , not pretty enuff need to lose weight. I fight the everyday and have for 11 years . it hasn't been easy but then again I do every thing the hard way and I am stubborn . I wouldn't learn if I wasn't. Anger and rage fuel me its a fire that cannot be put out and I don't want it to. It forges me down my path and keeps me in check . there's no bullshit here my brothers and sisters . set the road you travel on and let nothing stand in your way. Knock it down and keep going .

[eblnyc]

As a kid I was picked on by my fellow peers for being overweight. Ellen the watermelon was what they called me. I actually really wasn't that fat but they were relentless. I was a pretty happy kid unroll I started school then it all went to hell. Even to this day I am still affected by that time in my life. I still wish I would see those bastards and kick the shot out of them for what they did to me. It was wrong and I don't put up with it. I don't let people bully others. I won't have it in my world. Its as a lasting affect and can ruin someone's life. I feel bad for the kids. Now they have it worst than I ever did thanks to the web and text and social media the torment doesn't end you can't get away from it . its no wonder these victims of bullies kill themselves or become killers . u start to hate everyone and everything to the point where u go insane. Fucking assholes they do it to make themselves feel better preying on a smaller person or they think is weaker. Power can be very intoxicating to some. I find those fuckers vile and they need a good beating for picking on people. I hate bullies as much as I hate rapists and pedifiles. Motherfuckers u will get yours one day ...

[Jay Nera]

Bullies disgust me. I dont belive that people do things to be bad on purpose. I believe that everyone wants to be a good person. If bullies knew what their actions did over time i don't think they would do what they do. I blame parents and teachers for this.

This is a very heavy thread. Thank you for sharing this. I sense a strong degree of self responsibility and forward looking attitude from you. I love seeing this. You have replaced a negative addiction (anorexia) with a positive addiction(the iron). You hate what you did to yourself but you understand that what is done is done and that now you are stronger person, who aware of his mistakes, will never go down that path again. Sorry, i'll stop analyzing. I just found this an interesting read and hope you keep it up. Keep posting on here and sharing your journey. Real shit. Genuine. True Journey.