feel free to pm me anytime. I was anorexic when i first started. I still remember myself stepping on the scale and seeing 87lbs. I got out of it. up to 205 4 years later.
thanks dude..i just might..
REIGN IN BLOOD
"IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK,THEY WOULD TELL A HORROR STORY"
THE CONGREGATION 'SMITE THE SHEPARD AND THE SHEEP WIILL BE SCATTERED'
my friend convinced me to start weight training one day when he dragged me to his gym,he told straight out that i was way to thin and i needed to gain weight,i don't know what made me listen because nobody else could get through to me..he was generally concerned for me and said i was way to pretty to be destroying myself like this..well,this was the starting point for weight training and the ending point of my 13 year relationship with my boyfriend..he was so jealous of me going to the gym and he believed i was screwing every guy there..i finally told him it was over and i was leaving him..he was shocked..i don't think he ever believe i would leave him and his last words to me were u will never find another who will love you as much as me ever..pretty funny considering a person i worked with cared more about me than he did..so my new journey had begun to try to get my health back and also to be single after over a decade with the same man..believe me this process especially in the beginning has not been easy...
REIGN IN BLOOD
"IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK,THEY WOULD TELL A HORROR STORY"
THE CONGREGATION 'SMITE THE SHEPARD AND THE SHEEP WIILL BE SCATTERED'
when i first started training i had a hard time just walking into the weight room,i got those looks like holy shit and the snears like that skinny bitch is gonna kill herself..sometimes i still get them but i have learned to ignore it..then it came down to my eating,in the begining i didnt want to shock the system to much so it was a slow and steady process of adding more food to my diet..at first the body was like what the fuck are u doing to me,u starve me for 18 years and now we are eating..jesus..i was training 6 days a week at this time and adding more food to the diet but not too much weight gain,but i wasnt lifting full force or with heavy weight yet..i didnt really see much of a difference..i did see alot of things i had never noticed before,damage!lots of fuckin damage...
REIGN IN BLOOD
"IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK,THEY WOULD TELL A HORROR STORY"
THE CONGREGATION 'SMITE THE SHEPARD AND THE SHEEP WIILL BE SCATTERED'
no matter how much muscle i gain,a big part of me wants to be a size 0 again..madness i know but these are the thoughts that bounce inside my head..it wasnt that long ago that i was a 0 and never ate..the transition has been quite difficult..i still hate eating,if i didnt have to i wouldnt,plain and simple..well i really dont have too but to get better its a must..old habits die hard..believe me when it comes to eating iam not always on the ball..there are days when it a down right struggle for me to get 1 meal in let alone 6..i don't know what the solution is,i do know that i cannot let my skeletons rear their ugly little heads...
REIGN IN BLOOD
"IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK,THEY WOULD TELL A HORROR STORY"
THE CONGREGATION 'SMITE THE SHEPARD AND THE SHEEP WIILL BE SCATTERED'
i remember when i first got put away,my diagnosis in the hospital was socially and emotionally malajusted drug addict with antisocial behavior..i remember thinking you got the drug addict part right but antisocial no way..over time i realize they were correct..the older i have gotten the more of a hermit i have become..dont get me wrong iam social with certain people but on the whole i cant bring myself to be a social butterfly..first off it takes me alot just to meet people let alone be friends with them.my comfort level with unknown individuals does not exist,unless i feel comfortable around u from the start i wont say even hi to u..[the mouth piece is silent in these cases] shock shock..the mouth runs always in the right company but one problem is i can turn on you too..i have a habit of taking things personally to the point where if u anger me the chances of me never talking to you again are high..the antisocial strikes again!
REIGN IN BLOOD
"IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK,THEY WOULD TELL A HORROR STORY"
THE CONGREGATION 'SMITE THE SHEPARD AND THE SHEEP WIILL BE SCATTERED'
Contrary to popular belief, there is something very wrong with Anti-Social Behavior, and Social Anxiety. It is a very crippling behavior that prevents us from experiencing life like the rest of you. When we are placed in situations that make us feel uncomfortable, we experience fear and anger, for no good reason. We feel trapped within ourselves, and internalize everything, which eventually leads to us lashing out at those who truly mean us no harm. We seek so desprately for our comfort zone that we become OCD like, following the same routine over and over again.
Only through the strength of experience, are we able to conquer situation after situation, and blaze our way foward in life. I wish this on no one.
...Strength and Honor...
...Your First Mistake was Thinking I Needed Your Permission...
...Your Last Mistake was Thinking I Needed Your Approval...
Contrary to popular belief, there is something very wrong with Anti-Social Behavior, and Social Anxiety. It is a very crippling behavior that prevents us from experiencing life like the rest of you. When we are placed in situations that make us feel uncomfortable, we experience fear and anger, for no good reason. We feel trapped within ourselves, and internalize everything, which eventually leads to us lashing out at those who truly mean us no harm. We seek so desprately for our comfort zone that we become OCD like, following the same routine over and over again.
Only through the strength of experience, are we able to conquer situation after situation, and blaze our way foward in life. I wish this on no one.
...Strength and Honor...
x2. There is nothing natural or right about feeling alone when surrounded by friends and family. It can get better, but for me, it has never totally left. -T.
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." - Albert Camus
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.
there is a constant war that wages in my head between the anorexic and the weight lifter..the sickness always wants to win but hasnt been sucessful..i have been gaining again but for how long i dont know.anything can trigger it,stress,the evil mirrors,rejection,depression and injuries always lead me back to not eating..then i curse myself for letting my sickness get the best of me and iam back to square one..crawling out of the hole has been tough,i hope someday it gets easier...
REIGN IN BLOOD
"IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK,THEY WOULD TELL A HORROR STORY"
THE CONGREGATION 'SMITE THE SHEPARD AND THE SHEEP WIILL BE SCATTERED'
my life has been a series of addictions..overeating, to drugs ,to not eating at all ,to the iron and so on..every one has consumed me in full force..the only one that wont kill me or maybe it will, is the weights..as of now its the only thing that i look forward to and enjoy..
REIGN IN BLOOD
"IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK,THEY WOULD TELL A HORROR STORY"
THE CONGREGATION 'SMITE THE SHEPARD AND THE SHEEP WIILL BE SCATTERED'
my life has been a series of addictions..overeating, to drugs ,to not eating at all ,to the iron and so on..every one has consumed me in full force..the only one that wont kill me or maybe it will, is the weights..as of now its the only thing that i look forward to and enjoy..
x2. Mine is more complulsive behaviors. I don't know if I would call it addiction, because I am not a doctor. But I constantly replace one behavior for another. Drink, drugs, smoking, women(the most dagerous of all lol), and now weights. Every behavior almost all my time and energy are devoted to it, no matter the consequences. The weights are the only have I have begun to be able to balance against the rest of my life. But I still go to bed dreaming of the next workout. -T.
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." - Albert Camus
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.
Fraternal Order of the Animal-Demon
The Crew™
Saraigh
Ohio Valley ABC
Chapter Coordinator
"WE HAVE SENT THE MESSAGE LOUD AND CLEAR. WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, THE HUNGRY ONES. THIS IS OUR JUNGLE AND WE ARE THE ANIMALS. THIS IS WHERE THE STRONG GET STRONGER AND THE WEAK GET EATEN. THIS IS WHERE MUSCLE AND THE MIND BECOME ONE, FUSION OF THE FUTURE. ONCE YOU ENTER THERE IS NO RETURN. YOU SURVIVE OR DIE. THIS IS OUR PARADISE. BECOME ONE OF US." ~RICK BAYARDI
i was looking over this crazy thread and forgot to mention about my dad going to prison..like i said my dad was extremely wealthy..he owned hotels,condos[a whole complex of them] his own accounting firm and many other businesses i didnt know about..after i was put away,he was arrested for embezzlement..they had a 5 year investigation on him and his partner who in the end cracked and gave up everything..[i hate rats]anyways he got a 6 months sentence in white collar jail and my dad got 4 years due to the fact he pleaded not guilty..the worst part of all this was my trust fund was taken from me..they said it was stolen[they take all your assests] some of the wealth was legitimate..my ride to school and for a new car and all the other things i could have done was gone..this made me even more bitter..i could have had such a different life..
REIGN IN BLOOD
"IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK,THEY WOULD TELL A HORROR STORY"
THE CONGREGATION 'SMITE THE SHEPARD AND THE SHEEP WIILL BE SCATTERED'
when i began training i really didnt have any idea of what i was doing..i was nervous about using free weights,i never benched or did squats..i mostly stuck to machines and the weight wasnt very heavy..i also wasnt seeing any change in my body..this started to piss me off..i started to think my ex was right,going to the gym will only make me thinner.it hit me one day,i gotta prove that fucker wrong!i began my balls out heavy weight training,i didnt give a shit how much pain i was in,i was gonna get those weight up period..his doubt has kept the blaze going...
REIGN IN BLOOD
"IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK,THEY WOULD TELL A HORROR STORY"
THE CONGREGATION 'SMITE THE SHEPARD AND THE SHEEP WIILL BE SCATTERED'