Crisis Situation

[Cellardweller]

Volcanic

Today as I step into the gym the first thing others will notice is the smoke, and where there's smoke there's fire. Things aren't just going to get hot, they're gonna be molten hot. Four thousand degrees of volcanic fury. The ground will quake and ash will spew into the air as the iron runs in glowing red rivers from my hands. Islands will be born, rise and become continents. I will become an instrument of destruction and creation. Skys will darken as I toil under the iron growing out of control as a force of nature only to be bigger tomorrow.

[Cellardweller]

As an ER nurse I deal with people in crisis on a daily basis. Chest pain, difficulty breathing, abdominal pain, depressed and suicidal they all come to me. It flashes through my mind as a weight I've never lifted before yo-yo's on my traps as I walk it out. I chance a glance in the mirror and I see them. They're watching me. Waiting for me to fail and fall. I close my eyes and take a big gulp of air as I decend into the hole in darkness. In crisis. I lost my wife, had more failures than successes as a step-father, shit, I lost two houses. Chest pain, difficulty breathing, burning in my gut, depression are constant companions. What seperates me from my patients? The iron. It tests me. Makes me stronger. Shows me my weaknesses. I turn weakness into strength. Its the Animal way. I open my eyes and I rise out of the hole. Its not easy. It never is, but I rise up to amaze and disappoint the onlookers. What was lost is mine again, and can't be taken away. Not unless I let it. I stand there with the weight on my back. Its two big steps back into the rack.

[Cellardweller]

Everyday is a black day when I walk into the gym. The ground I tread on is black. The iron I pile up on my bar is black. The benches I bend the iron on are black. Black is my heart that drives me. There is too much in this life you cannot control: money, family, relationships, work, hell even just dumb fucking bad luck. Once that iron bar is in my hand I've got something to control. Haven't trained much in two weeks. I should have "played it safe" and just went in for a good pump. Fuck if playing it safe isn't just another way to say "hold yourself back." I'm not holding back. I'm not pulling punches. Fuck that. It's a training day. A black day. I will fight and be strong and die with sword in hand and a dog at my feet. You can stand in front of a mirror all day kissing your bicepts. I'm not in it for no beauty contest. I'm here to bring the darkness. Things are gonna get ugly so stand the fuck back.



This is from an old post in my Journy. I was thinking about it today as I trained because a friend and coworker of my daughter's was murdered in her store yesterday. Could have easily been my daughter. Lots of hurt in my family today.

[G Diesel]

I dig the vibe my brother.

I see passion, pain and anger working together to build something great. Keep pushing.

Peace, G

[Cellardweller]

Thanks G. It means alot.

[Cellardweller]

The most difficult and humbling thing a man can do is ask another for help. Although it is still difficult to accept, it always helps when someone is holding a hand out to you. All I ask brothers is that you keep your hands and hearts open.

[Cellardweller]

The most difficult and humbling thing a man can do is ask another for help. Although it is still difficult to accept, it always helps when someone is holding a hand out to you. All I ask brothers is that you keep your hands and hearts open.

Here's an awesome example. The girls on the opposing team didn't even ask their coach first. They just stepped up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttkBP2XDZvE

[Cellardweller]

You can find inspiration from all over, but motivation is tough. It's more personal. You can go to an ABC and get all kinds of inspiration and hit a PR but then when it's just you again, that "high" isn't quiet there, you know? I train alone all the time. I think what you have to do is find the challenge in it. I always loved 5x5 because I was always gunning for that 5 rep max on all my lifts. Doing the Cube or 5/3/1 gives you a different structure and different goals/ challenges on a daily basis. You have to love that. You have to celebrate those rep PRs or that you lost so many pounds per week that was your goal. It has to really mean something to you. If my goal is 8 reps for that day on a main lift and I miscalculate my weight and only hit 5, then I owe myself those last 3 reps. I dig in and do them or more. This is why I keep a log book. Before I start I see what I did the last time, maybe 3 weeks ago, and I try to push that further. Trebin logs his run times and times for his rows on the rowing machines. He tracks his progress and posts it so if we pay attention enough we can keep him accountable too. That's one reason I post my numbers up. It's no secret that I bring my personal shit to the gym and use that to light a fire under my ass. If you need a pre workout or some crazy tunes on your iPod a picture of someone or something that represents your goal or whatever then bring it. Look in that mirror everyday and ask yourself what it is you want. Write down your goals and what you need to do, or stop doing to achieve them and tape it to the mirror, the sunvisor of your car, inside your work locker or anywhere you will see it. Reread it again before your train. Keep your fires lit.

[Cellardweller]

At the end of the day, after all is said and done, the plates get reracked and the bars put away. I wash off this sweat, the rust, the chalk and sometimes blood. There is no evidence of my passing. No marker to commerate the battle fought, the struggles and victories earned, the drop sets, supersets, paused reps or forced negatives. Friends, family and coworkers see me, but look right through me. Their thoughts are limited to "Mike works out." They don't see the meals I eat. They don't understand when I don't order out. I yearn to tell my tale, but they won't understand so I remain humble. I carry this pain and thesse calloses as a solitary burden.

[Cellardweller]

In this game we like to say not to judge yourself by the scale but by the mirror. Don't get me wrong. The number on the scale is another number in a game of numbers and can be a useful tool. In the mirror is where we can see really see our gains or lack of. But what you see in the mirror can also be what defines you. It's not always seeing your back from the front, a set of abs or round deltoids in the mirror. Maybe it's a t-shirt. I wear an Animal t-shirt 3 or 4 of my 4 days a week in the gym. I've heard people talking about me because of it. I believe in the values of what Animal represents and wearing that shirt is a point of pride and belonging for me. But what if it was some other suppliment company? A sci-fi t-shirt? Some other sport? Or how about tattoo sleeves and a wallet chain? And yes, there are no shortages of guys with guns that rival the size of their quads. We all see different things in the mirror, so be carerful when you throw stones. Offer criticisms constructively because it's not the mirror you may break, but the man.

[Cellardweller]

I'm ready brothers. I'm ready to do it again. I'm boiling inside and I know the iron is out there waiting for me. It's always waiting. But I know I must wait for the new day to come. My palms itch for the bar, to feel the diamond grip bite into my skin, the impossible weight crushing down on me and the exhilaration of doing the impossible. Patience. Rest and grow. Tomorrow I will be stronger than I am today and all the tomorrows after that. I will be bigger. Huge. What do I want for Christmas? XXXL shirts because I will no longer fit into my XXL shirts. I'm ready. I want to feel the pain. I want to feel my shirt sticking to me, stretching across me. I want to know I fought hard and couldn't have done another rep. I want to earn it. I want to pay for it. The fires are lit. I'm ready to go. But I must be patient. Like hunting the iron in the dark. Waiting for the moment to strike. I will bring it down with my bare hands. But I must be patient.

[LoneWolf45]

In this game we like to say not to judge yourself by the scale but by the mirror. Don't get me wrong. The number on the scale is another number in a game of numbers and can be a useful tool. In the mirror is where we can see really see our gains or lack of. But what you see in the mirror can also be what defines you. It's not always seeing your back from the front, a set of abs or round deltoids in the mirror. Maybe it's a t-shirt. I wear an Animal t-shirt 3 or 4 of my 4 days a week in the gym. I've heard people talking about me because of it. I believe in the values of what Animal represents and wearing that shirt is a point of pride and belonging for me. But what if it was some other suppliment company? A sci-fi t-shirt? Some other sport? Or how about tattoo sleeves and a wallet chain? And yes, there are no shortages of guys with guns that rival the size of their quads. We all see different things in the mirror, so be carerful when you throw stones. Offer criticisms constructively because it's not the mirror you may break, but the man.

Wow I can really relate. Average 3 days with a abc shirt, other animal shirt during the week

[Cellardweller]

On Sunday 12/22 we delivered our gifts to my ER's adopted family. We adopted the children of a young lady who was murdered at a local Advance America. Our EMS coordinator arranged for the fire dept. to provide a fire truck to deliver the presents. We got a couple outfits and toys for the children and had enough to provide an emagine gift card, Kroger gift card and a Meijer gift card. At the last minute we realized we didn’t have a Santa to help us pass out the gifts. My wife made some phone calls to different fire departments but no one had a Santa suit. When we got to the fire station, they managed to find a Santa Suit and one of the guys was putting it on. We took one fire truck and two ambulances to the family’s home. People were looking out their windows to see where the fire trucks were going. Logan (5) and Josalyn (8) could see Santa walking up the drive way. They were jumping up and down when he came into the house. Santa passed out the gifts and scored some cookies from the kids. Then we went out to see the trucks. Once they turned on the fire truck’s floodlights the whole neighborhood came out to see Santa. People were carrying out babies and pulling wagons with kids in them to see Santa and the trucks. Santa took lots of pictures and the firefighters passed out plastic fire helmets to all the kids. The firefighters let one kid at a time into the cab of the big truck and let them blow the horn. Everyone had so much fun. It was an amazing thing to be a part of. The children’s father must have thanked everyone at least 5 times. He really appreciated everything we did. Now instead of these children remembering this Christmas as the first one without their mother they now have a happy memory.

[Cellardweller]

"The toughest lift of all... is your ass off the couch." This is true, but you're not out of danger yet. Just because your ass is in the gym on a regular basis and you're sticking to your program doesn't mean shit if you aren't training with heart. You can still get comfortable, even in the gym. Are you playing with your dick, er, iPod in between sets? Chatting it up? Just happy you hit that milestone weight and have been doing it for the same reps for the last 6 months? Why stop there? Look around you. Who's digging deep on their last couple reps? Who's loading up a weight they've never done before? Who's sweating? Is it you? Is it just another day in the gym or have you just breached the waters of the Pacific hell bent on destroying civilization? It's your hour, you have the rest of the day to be comfortable. Smash the weights, smash your limits and become more than what you are.

[Cellardweller]

"Are you living the life that was given to you, or are you living the life of your dreams?"

[Cellardweller]

It’s chest day and I’m in position, not under the bar but at the end of the bench. I’m in between sets and I’m sitting with my ass teetering off the end of the bench, elbows on my knees and head down. My left knee is bouncing as I stare off into the blackness of the rubber mats. Usually there is so many things running through my mind at this time. I ponder my form, how many reps I’ve got coming on the next set, the fuck nuts at work, that thing my wife said to me, that thing the kids did or, on a really glorious day, I’m thinking about fucking shit up. But today it was my shoulder. Had a bit of bad pain in my right shoulder. It’s been happening too often lately. Makes me think about all the things I don’t do anymore because of other injuries. I’m 41 years old and my manufacturer’s warranty has long expired. That’s when the worst possible thing happens, I ask myself “why?” Why am I doing this to myself? What do I have to gain from pushing myself further and further every week? Most people would give up. I can’t count on my doctor to keep me in the game. My aches and pains have become like a dirty little secret that I have to keep to myself or I’m told to back down. Fuck that. What do I have to gain? Everything. If I’m not pushing then I might as well be pushing up daisies. Its ingrained in my personal identity. How else can a man test himself? Only a man who has been tested and knows his worth and ability can walk confidently with head held high. The average guy doesn’t even know how many pushups he can do. Don’t believe me? Ask around Yep, my shoulder is aching. If I go back in my Journey it’s filled with aches and pains. There are plenty of highs and lows to my training. Some of them mental. I will figure this shit out and heal up or adapt and lean to train around it only to be stronger than yesterday. All will look on and be none the wiser. For me there is no other option.

[Cellardweller]

I'm driving to the gym today and it's beautiful out. Everyone is outside. I drive past the high school and there's people walking and running on the track. All the tennis courts are full and the girl's softball team is out in full uniform warming up for a game. I drive along a park and there's people walking their dogs and kids on the playground. But what really caught my eye was two boys, probably 4-5 years old driving down the sidewalk in a shiny new electric police car. Very cool. Yeah, a kid that age should be running around and getting exercise but I was kind of invigorated by that sight. Why? Because I can imagine how much fun that was for those boys. I can imagine them pretending to be in a car chase or something. Imagination is soooooo important. Without it none of us would be here. It's where your Journey begins. First thing, whither you want to powerlift or bodybuild or just look good naked is that you have to picture it in your mind first. Me, I grew up on comic books. I started out reading Spider-man and Thor then branched out to Captain America, the Hulk, Avengers and X-men. My mom gave me the "It'll rot your brain" speach and it probably did 'cause here I am trying to lift weights no one else can. It only begings here. Imagination is key for previsualization before a lift, a meet or a contest. It's important to psych yourself up for a lift. Sometimes your mind has to find that dark thought to envoke the fight or flight response that will get your heart pumping. And you all know it's gonna be a fight to the end. Arnold said he would imagine his bicept peaks growing to fill the room. That worked pretty good for him. So keep your imaginations alive and well. Keep dreaming big and believe in yourself. After all none of us would be powerlifters, bodybuilders, soldiers or police officers if we hadn't dreamed of it first.

[Cellardweller]

Yesterday someone told me they couldn't figure me out. That I was restless and was seeking something and they didn't have a clue what it is. Hell yeah I'm a seeker. Fuck yeah I'm restless! What am I after?! Greatness mother fucker!!! I am a machine and I will not, and cannot be stopped!!! They tried to shoot me down for going to the gym "all the time." Fuck you. I'm not in this to be some half assed bitch. I'm not one of those people who go the the gym and "workout." I don't come home and tell my wife I went to the gym, I come home and I tell her I went to the gym and I burned it to the fucking ground!!!! If you see something in me that scares you, that makes you pause, well, thats desire, passion, a will that cannot be stopped. Pain is what drives me, drives me to excell. There is no place for mediocrity in my life. No easy way out. I am an Animal and I will never settle. I will never compromise. I will always be hungry for more.

[Cellardweller]

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

― Theodore Roosevelt

[G Diesel]

On Sunday 12/22 we delivered our gifts to my ER's adopted family. We adopted the children of a young lady who was murdered at a local Advance America. Our EMS coordinator arranged for the fire dept. to provide a fire truck to deliver the presents. We got a couple outfits and toys for the children and had enough to provide an emagine gift card, Kroger gift card and a Meijer gift card. At the last minute we realized we didn’t have a Santa to help us pass out the gifts. My wife made some phone calls to different fire departments but no one had a Santa suit. When we got to the fire station, they managed to find a Santa Suit and one of the guys was putting it on. We took one fire truck and two ambulances to the family’s home. People were looking out their windows to see where the fire trucks were going. Logan (5) and Josalyn (8) could see Santa walking up the drive way. They were jumping up and down when he came into the house. Santa passed out the gifts and scored some cookies from the kids. Then we went out to see the trucks. Once they turned on the fire truck’s floodlights the whole neighborhood came out to see Santa. People were carrying out babies and pulling wagons with kids in them to see Santa and the trucks. Santa took lots of pictures and the firefighters passed out plastic fire helmets to all the kids. The firefighters let one kid at a time into the cab of the big truck and let them blow the horn. Everyone had so much fun. It was an amazing thing to be a part of. The children’s father must have thanked everyone at least 5 times. He really appreciated everything we did. Now instead of these children remembering this Christmas as the first one without their mother they now have a happy memory.

It’s chest day and I’m in position, not under the bar but at the end of the bench. I’m in between sets and I’m sitting with my ass teetering off the end of the bench, elbows on my knees and head down. My left knee is bouncing as I stare off into the blackness of the rubber mats. Usually there is so many things running through my mind at this time. I ponder my form, how many reps I’ve got coming on the next set, the fuck nuts at work, that thing my wife said to me, that thing the kids did or, on a really glorious day, I’m thinking about fucking shit up. But today it was my shoulder. Had a bit of bad pain in my right shoulder. It’s been happening too often lately. Makes me think about all the things I don’t do anymore because of other injuries. I’m 41 years old and my manufacturer’s warranty has long expired. That’s when the worst possible thing happens, I ask myself “why?” Why am I doing this to myself? What do I have to gain from pushing myself further and further every week? Most people would give up. I can’t count on my doctor to keep me in the game. My aches and pains have become like a dirty little secret that I have to keep to myself or I’m told to back down. Fuck that. What do I have to gain? Everything. If I’m not pushing then I might as well be pushing up daisies. Its ingrained in my personal identity. How else can a man test himself? Only a man who has been tested and knows his worth and ability can walk confidently with head held high. The average guy doesn’t even know how many pushups he can do. Don’t believe me? Ask around Yep, my shoulder is aching. If I go back in my Journey it’s filled with aches and pains. There are plenty of highs and lows to my training. Some of them mental. I will figure this shit out and heal up or adapt and lean to train around it only to be stronger than yesterday. All will look on and be none the wiser. For me there is no other option.

I'm driving to the gym today and it's beautiful out. Everyone is outside. I drive past the high school and there's people walking and running on the track. All the tennis courts are full and the girl's softball team is out in full uniform warming up for a game. I drive along a park and there's people walking their dogs and kids on the playground. But what really caught my eye was two boys, probably 4-5 years old driving down the sidewalk in a shiny new electric police car. Very cool. Yeah, a kid that age should be running around and getting exercise but I was kind of invigorated by that sight. Why? Because I can imagine how much fun that was for those boys. I can imagine them pretending to be in a car chase or something. Imagination is soooooo important. Without it none of us would be here. It's where your Journey begins. First thing, whither you want to powerlift or bodybuild or just look good naked is that you have to picture it in your mind first. Me, I grew up on comic books. I started out reading Spider-man and Thor then branched out to Captain America, the Hulk, Avengers and X-men. My mom gave me the "It'll rot your brain" speach and it probably did 'cause here I am trying to lift weights no one else can. It only begings here. Imagination is key for previsualization before a lift, a meet or a contest. It's important to psych yourself up for a lift. Sometimes your mind has to find that dark thought to envoke the fight or flight response that will get your heart pumping. And you all know it's gonna be a fight to the end. Arnold said he would imagine his bicept peaks growing to fill the room. That worked pretty good for him. So keep your imaginations alive and well. Keep dreaming big and believe in yourself. After all none of us would be powerlifters, bodybuilders, soldiers or police officers if we hadn't dreamed of it first.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

― Theodore Roosevelt

Some amazing stuff here my brother. Thank you for sharing.

As for the Teddy quote, they quite literally are words to live by.

Peace, G