Crisis Situation

[Cellardweller]

Volcanic

Today as I step into the gym the first thing others will notice is the smoke, and where there's smoke there's fire. Things aren't just going to get hot, they're gonna be molten hot. Four thousand degrees of volcanic fury. The ground will quake and ash will spew into the air as the iron runs in glowing red rivers from my hands. Islands will be born, rise and become continents. I will become an instrument of destruction and creation. Skys will darken as I toil under the iron growing out of control as a force of nature only to be bigger tomorrow.

[Cellardweller]

As an ER nurse I deal with people in crisis on a daily basis. Chest pain, difficulty breathing, abdominal pain, depressed and suicidal they all come to me. It flashes through my mind as a weight I've never lifted before yo-yo's on my traps as I walk it out. I chance a glance in the mirror and I see them. They're watching me. Waiting for me to fail and fall. I close my eyes and take a big gulp of air as I decend into the hole in darkness. In crisis. I lost my wife, had more failures than successes as a step-father, shit, I lost two houses. Chest pain, difficulty breathing, burning in my gut, depression are constant companions. What seperates me from my patients? The iron. It tests me. Makes me stronger. Shows me my weaknesses. I turn weakness into strength. Its the Animal way. I open my eyes and I rise out of the hole. Its not easy. It never is, but I rise up to amaze and disappoint the onlookers. What was lost is mine again, and can't be taken away. Not unless I let it. I stand there with the weight on my back. Its two big steps back into the rack.

[Cellardweller]

Everyday is a black day when I walk into the gym. The ground I tread on is black. The iron I pile up on my bar is black. The benches I bend the iron on are black. Black is my heart that drives me. There is too much in this life you cannot control: money, family, relationships, work, hell even just dumb fucking bad luck. Once that iron bar is in my hand I've got something to control. Haven't trained much in two weeks. I should have "played it safe" and just went in for a good pump. Fuck if playing it safe isn't just another way to say "hold yourself back." I'm not holding back. I'm not pulling punches. Fuck that. It's a training day. A black day. I will fight and be strong and die with sword in hand and a dog at my feet. You can stand in front of a mirror all day kissing your bicepts. I'm not in it for no beauty contest. I'm here to bring the darkness. Things are gonna get ugly so stand the fuck back.



This is from an old post in my Journy. I was thinking about it today as I trained because a friend and coworker of my daughter's was murdered in her store yesterday. Could have easily been my daughter. Lots of hurt in my family today.

[G Diesel]

I dig the vibe my brother.

I see passion, pain and anger working together to build something great. Keep pushing.

Peace, G

[Cellardweller]

Thanks G. It means alot.

[Cellardweller]

The most difficult and humbling thing a man can do is ask another for help. Although it is still difficult to accept, it always helps when someone is holding a hand out to you. All I ask brothers is that you keep your hands and hearts open.